thePIANIST

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Through this several months of serving God, it felt like an eternity. It felt well used. I feel satisfied. However why is the outcome a cruel, selfish and rude Isaac? Why a monster? Have i spent an eternity doing evil and preaching evil? Why?
How many gives a damn about going the extra mile just to express their love for their sheep.
How many gives a damn about giving 2-3 shepherdings and neglect themselves just to let their sheep grow more.
How many gives a damn about trying so hard to bring a dead man back to life.
How many gives a damn about trying everything and anything even if it will hurt himself in the end, just because one loves his sheep
And let me ask,
How many gives a damn to appreciate this?
How many gives a damn to tell me i have done well and to work harder?
How many gives a damn to reassure me and encourage me?
YET HOW MANY GIVES A DAMN TO CONDEMN AND MOCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME.
Dont you all get it. Dont anyone get it? Does hurting others and making myself look like a monster sound like Isaac's attitude? Does doing anything to revive someone he treasure alot sound wrong to you? I tried everything. I tried anything. I made myself available. I did all i could to be a perfect shepherd. Just where have i gone wrong. I went to the ends of the earth just to bring a soul back. Even though i was available. It didnt work! Even though i was there, nothing worked! AND YOU TOLD ME TO BE LOVING. YOU TOLD ME TO BE AVAILABLE TO MY SHEEP. FIne i am in your eyes junk and the most useless person in the caregroup. How many times have i succedded in my attempts. How many times have i been rash and been stupid. You told me that i was a loser i wasnt fit to be his shepherd. You told me that i sucked big time. AND YOU TOLD ME TO LOVE YOUR SHEEP. Do you know how i felt after reading what you said. You teared me. You darkened my day. Ill never do anything right. Everything i do is wrong. Neither i do will be recognized nor anybody to encourage me. Its enough! I had enough of this! What for serve god so hard?
Friends mock me in school for my stupiditity. Being a leader dosent matter to me. Even if it's not me i dont mind. I dont mind at all. But please do not condemn me like this. I have my limits. Men tear if its too much. Im not cold blooded. I have a weak heart.

10:33 PM; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

Shane from RP class w35a

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