thePIANIST

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Lol god you joking me? Its not funny satan i detest you and your lackeys.

Haha lose another sheep? Is that less workload for me or am i supposed to spend so much prescious time to settle things I did not totally do wrongly and apologize even though the other dosent?
Wow not bad as a new shepherd. You dont even ask for tips and when i told you he was your sheep you didnt even ask me how to handle that one. Not interested? How many times did i tell you to arrange with me instead of me asking you all the time? Seriously if you think shepherding is a waste of time, then you dont deserve any sheeps.
Yeah im a bad shepherd i dont have a good background and im no god. I dont do things according to the bible sometimes and i dont fufil your expectation as a shepherd who totally sucks up to you. The more effort is put in, the more problem it causes. Hah who was the one who desired a sheep? I could have not given him to you, so be greatful i still had faith in you.
Yeah im a sucky shepherd like ming said. Every piece of effort put in is seen as junk comming out from a piece of shit. To start with, Im a human, my tolerance extends to a limit ^^. Why would i care for junky diciples? I could chuck them aside and totally not bother to help them unleash any potential. I could just sit there and spend time correcting myself, enjoying myself instead of prepairing shepherding, planning caregroup and trying so hard to make the caregroup an enjoyable event and having biblical people to serve together. My effort is pointless? I could have just slacked off and maybe things would'nt be like this today. Yeah yk was right, that it is not the junky people in the low class who destroys the organization it is those shepherds and leaders who do. Yeah thats me im destroying it despite how hard i try to fix it. Im stupid aint I? I cant even handle things properly? I could have just NOT raised up my hand when they asked who wanted to be a CL so badly. I could have said NO to sheeps i disliked and is lazy to take in.
I took up the damn challenge to serve God and i followed through to the very end. This is the end? Sheeps leaving one after another. Old sheeps who cant stop being sacarstic. Oh please i cant stand nonsense.
I should have slacked, so i wouldnt have to take the blame for all this today. For trying so hard and screwing up so hard. Well i screwed up 4 lives. You all still dare to entrust things to me? Stop giving me pain Oh lord. Challenge me some more I'd be dead tomorrow. Need to hand in my stupid letter tomorrow. Screw it if i retain. My life is worthless? I cant even do things well even when i believed i'd do if i put in all my effort. I invested my time and life into things of christ which i could have spend those time working. I could have earnt a few thousands by now if i hadn't sacrificed it in hope to save more lives. Church? Is that meant to be my home?
Tell me oh god assure me im not the son of the devil. Father cleanse me?

Your voice is fading away, my heart is sinking. The end of days draws near, my heart is beating fast. The end is near, so many is unsafe, yet so close to the edge of the pits of hell. Throw me oh lord, into the very gates of hell, in exchange for another worthy soul. I deserve the tortures in which hell offers as a payment for my sins. I have not been blameless, for i have not been doing well.

Father redeem me from this hell. Father open the doors of my prison, for i would very much like to try again. You have been faithful, i shant ask of anything else, for i do not deserve anything in your name.

Father in Heaven,
Your child, who have been determined to serve you from the very day of believing in your name, has failed you. I have not been doing things the right way and often made mistakes. Father bring me out of the darkness, bring me out of my prison. Too long have i stayed slumber behind the gates of my prison. Father awaken me, open the door.. Save me, for i refuse to acknoledge satan as my God. I serve you and no-one else. Father aid me to do things in your way. Cleanse me for I have shed innocent blood. My soul is so stained with innocent blood. Help me oh god.. Help me in jesus name, Amen

6:02 PM; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

Shane from RP class w35a

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