Life isn't getting better and instead getting worse.
School = Study stress ("o" levels)
Home = Mother stress
Church = CG08.
Overall, Balancing other activities, school work and miscellaneous stuff aint easy..
Currently, im not doing well in my studies, not too bad either. At home, im not doing well at all. I always have to quarrel with my mum and she always have to end my day miserable.
Lets take my coughing for an example. I stayed up late to study and she scolds me for not resting early. What has resting early got to do with healing of cough? Every idiot knows that someone who has cough shd just drink more water. What's more, she turned the TV on at a high volume and i couldn't even sleep properly. That was how i ended up my friggin day. I came home, got scolded cuz im coughin, and all sorts of shit you can imagine. Whats more, she keeps asking me to study? Like what the shit? I aint got time to even play and she asks me to study study study? Like im some sorta robot or what. She makes me wana swear seriously. Not giving allowance was quite enough already. I dont need nagger buggers to keep acting like they care.
Things aint getting better since i started praying about it ages ago. Oh well im still gonna trust that god has a way anyway.
Oh and sorry readers, cuz i think i really like to swear here.. Don't know where else to let it all go..
Haiz same thing happened this morning, i had to start my day miserable.
7am Sunday 2/24/2008
Mum: !@#$ wake up so early use wat com?
Isaac: doing project.. later going to work no time..
Mum: !@#$ la you can at night do right
Isaac: later somebody call me sleep again then do wat project. Anw, dad will want to use the come so why dont i just do it now?
Mum: then go ask papa let you use com la! (friggin loud tone early in the morning like 7am?)
Isaac: okok relax?
Mum: !@#$ later dun let me see you using com when i come back or you gonna get it from me.
Isaac: Cant you just talk nicely?
Mum: I am your mother and its up to me to choose how to speak
Isaac: Then dont blame me for being rude cuz you dont even respect me
Mum: Your my son so you should respect me
*endless argument follows*
Mum storms out of the house and scolds some really undesirable form of language.
Brothers stare and give me the shit face.
Yeah and that is what i always get. One noisy nagger bugger and followed by 3 other shitfaces for the rest of the day. And at the end of the day, i get another nagger bugger to bug me to do whatever stuff and another 3 shitfaces staring at me doing it.
I dont know what the hell is wrong with my family, but i seriously dont hate them, but i hate their attitude. Why cant they just accept me for being who i am? Im a christian so what? You said respect others but look at yourself! Ironic isnt it?
Oh well... I guess it cant be helped..
Played dota with church friends yesterday.. Pointless game having everyone quit after my invoker doubble killed and almost tripple killed -.-.. Oh well... They wanted to save money and had no mood to just end it anw..
Well, Yesterday's service and the previous week's services both made me tear. What can i say, i never experienced God in such a way since the last time which was months ago. like 8 months? Never really felt that way before ever again till last week and yesterday. Guess God really wanted to speak to me through the service that The cross really is significant and that i should actually do something about it and not just go around telling others im a frigggin christian yet i still sin against God. Well i realized how much that turning point means to one person as i reflected on my own. Perhaps, i would have had a better living condition at home if not for church, and i could earn lots of money by working. But amazingly and confidenly i tell you guys, I never regretted this. What is time and money when you can exchange them for eternity? What is fame and riches compaired to the blood of christ? Which is significant you say? Seeing the Death of your loved ones one by one crying all alone and die eventually, or living life to the fullest, knowing that your loved ones are waiting in heaven for you? I dont want to die leaving behind nothing, i dont want to die being rich and having too much money to spend, I dont wana die the top athelete, a world record holder, or anything people are just gonna break someday. I wana die changing something that is going to be of impact 100 years down the road. I want to live showing others that life is not just Eating sleeping playing sports and making money. Life can be to the fullest with christ centered in it. Life isnt just about passing on your genes to the next generation, but life is being a hero to the next generation. Life is all about making mistakes, learning, and passing it on. Well.. i dont know why i posted about this but i do hope that people who read it actually go and spare some time to think about it. I guess theres nothing more i can say, but let me end off with a song for you all..
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
I haven’t felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
are lyin’ on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Oh oh oh oh oh
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
Cg later 3:30 at Clementi mrt.. Dont be late you guys!
Lol just got it so i decided to put it up. Picture of me and vivian after the chinese new year performance.
Ms Tho called my parents the other day, told them i needed 80% of attendance to take O levels. What kind of bullshit is that? O levels is got money can take le. What 80% -.-. Then she even told her i wasnt doing my work. I was friggin absent how am i supposed to hand up the stupid shit when im absent? Got friggin scolded in the end and now this. Makes me so pissed about this shit.
This year is indeed friggin stressful for me and i cant balance my spiritual life, my work and my studies. Everything seems to be very demanding but i cant neglect any. Crappy isnt it.. Im so damn tempted to just fall away and disappear completely from church, but i guess that aint what i really want for myself, or rather what God has for me. Well i can honnestly say that im very emotionally unstable right now as the word stress keeps ringing in my brains. I cant stop thinking about what next, and keep thinking about when is the only time i can relax and do my own stuff. When YK messaged me earlier, i was reluctant to go with the group to evangelise tomorrow. I almost swore at the letter the "principal" sent to my parents. Right now, i just wana study and do well for my exams, but it is just so hard with so many things going on in my mind. I wana do CG08, and i wana do very well in my O levels. My A-maths is like a piece of shit now, as well as a few other subjects. The teachers are behind time and im struggling for a breather. There's no rest, no room for failure. Everything has to be perfect.
It's just so hard to keep a good balance. Too hard i'd say. The tens of thousands of possible temptations to fall away from God are going through my mind every day of my life. Each day I worry that if i do my daily Quiet time, I will neglect my studies and do badly. Life is just so stressful!
Dear Father in Heaven,
As the bible claims that if I shall seek and ask, I will be given, today I ask in Jesus name that I would be strengthened to do your work without neglecting my studies. I know it is difficult, but I trust that with you, anything is possible. I pray that I will be empowered in my spiritual walk to bring you glory, and I trust that with your help, I can also do well in my studies. Father I thank you for being my pillar of support, and all this i ask in the prescious name of Jesus, Amen.
Lol this is just some soft toy i found at the park near my house one day after playing basketball.. Lol cute huh?? =D
Well my spiritual life is kinda down right now. Not really growing much spiritually... Dont really have time luh.. But still doing what is needed of me to do. Well praying when i wake up and before i sleep aint that hard. Fasting aint that hard too. Going to church aint that hard, doing qt aint hard, sowing aint hard. Well to think about it, these are things we should want to do, not things we dread to do or do for the sake of doing. These are things we always neglect though.. Well for ESS, we have 2 visitors, and a henderson guy from the NS side. Well, not bad, but let's chiong for the next ESS!
Ha-ha I guess I haven’t been blogging for quite some time already… More than a week I guess? I guess not a soul reads this blog anymore so yeah. Do tag if you do. Life has been… Boring? The spiritual level is constantly declining so I guess it’s time I’d do something about it. Chinese New Year is coming, but I’m not at all excited over the Red packets I’m about to receive. Pointless isn’t it, going out for reunion dinner, hearing relatives tease me in front of the whole gang, thinking it’s funny. The red packets don’t mean anything. I’d rather spend the time working and I’ll get more fun and money than just sitting around the reunion table eating away quietly. Well I guess I do not enjoy the luxury of the true meaning of New Year reunion dinner as I’m not very close to my relatives. If I had a choice, I wouldn’t bother to go at all.
Mum’s getting more and more of an exasperation. She constantly screams at me for no good reason, and I’d have to take it or I’d get into a retarded and pointless argument. How stupid is that? Things like complaining that my table is frigging messy so I’d have to clean it, when I just came home from basketball, all drained and ready to sleep. She was like “HUH? Tired your ****. Clean it now!” What for get so frigging worked up over me just telling her I’m cleaning it later after I bathe and all? Parents don’t make any sense, but that’s not the end.
My stupid brother just pissed me off really badly yesterday. Was eating noodles after eating like one and a half bowls of stupid rice they all can’t finish. It was kind enough of me to finish like so much of it. So my retarded brother came and told me he’s going to finish the rest. Guess what the shit he did? He took 2/3 of that little rice that can barely fill half a bowl to cook Fried rice? And what’s more, when I cooked noodles, he came up to me to scold me that I didn’t finish the rest and didn’t bother to check what’s left. What the hell is this? Firstly, he’s being a total ass for taking so little and what can I say? He can’t blame anyone that he’s so frigging undernourished? What’s more? He’s a stupid braggart always boasting about how much he likes to eat. What a pain in the ass! Well my oldest brother? Don’t even talk to me about him. He’s the biggest shithole brother I ever seen. Always thinking he has a lot of manners and always judging people. Simple game like floorball, he comes up to me and tells me it’s a game for pussies and its so easy to score just because I keep scoring when he’s the goalkeeper. When it’s his turn to play shooter, he cant even score! Talk about being a pussy, he doesn’t even exercise. He looks stupid with that tummy anw!
Last minute notice that theres gonna be no time for me to do anything tomorrow and that i wont get a chance to even go home or visit my old primary school. And guess what? I can only get to go home at 10, which means i gotta tolerate my relative's bullshit for tens of hours. Great.
I don’t know what else I gotta say but oh well lets end off with a prayer shall we?
Father in Heaven,
I pray that my family condition will be changed for the better, and I pray for their salvation one day. I pray that you will work through me to bring them all to know your name and I pray that my faith will never fail. I want the absolute faith you promised if anyone wishes to claim, and I pray that my character will also be improved. I do not want to be an abysmal leader, but god, give me the essential knowledge to serve effectively not just as a shepherd, but also a care leader. I pray that you also bless me in my studies, for this is a very important year of my life. I pray that I will do well as promised, and I will work accordingly. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen
Shane from RP class w35a
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