thePIANIST

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Today was a tiring day. Didnt study much today. Well im really confused wether i should put in so much effort for church anymore. There's just so many things going on and on in my mind. I wana get into a good polytechnic course so that i can get on with life on the tertiary side. On the other hand, my mind is fixed upon the burden god has given me, the burden of light. Yes i admit i have failed to juggle between studies and God. As many of you can guess, yes I cant. I am unable to serve 2 masters at one time.
God help me!
Been thinking through many things these days. Not seeing the group grow, not seeing things workout, dosen't seem to be making me lose faith in God. I get disappointments again and again, but all these dosent seem to stop me from wanting to serve God. Well, I never stopped serving God, but i have never started to serve God harder. I guess this is the loophole in my leadership. Letting disappointments allow me to serve God less. Thanks to Yk especially, i recognized what was really wrong with me. Yes i could have done so much more for God. Just because i was once so on fire for God. You reminded me of who i were and what kind of person i used to be. Yes i was less knowledgeable, less wise, less experienced, but i know that i was more eager to learn. But now, this attitude of learning has died. I wana revive it, but other things that are part of me seems to be taking over me. I wana do my QT longer, but i need to study. I need personal space. I need to be salt and light, i need to do well for my exams! And no, dont tell me I have gone through setbacks admirably, because i wana confess today that i have not gone through all that admirably. I have gone through that like a coward, stuck in my own closet not wanting to get out because im afraid to get hurt. I resumed my old bad habits that includes vulgarities and all sorts of rubbish as i went back to school. I was angry over the small things and Satan took hold of me. I was trapped in my own prison.
Only yesterday did i realize what God had been telling me. Serving him is denying of self and pressing on no matter what happens. Serving God is giving total control to God, allowing him to take over you and inhabit all of you. It is allowing God to cut every single strand of your hair and letting him style it in any way he likes. Only then i realized I have been a really bad boy. I have led the group in a disgusting way and blood is in my hands. God spoke to me yesterday. He said, "Son, no matter what you did, ill forgive you. I chose you from the world, i redeemed you from the fiery chasm which you were supposed to spend an eternity in. I have paid the penalty of your sins by the blood of the most precious, Jesus. I have given you hope and a new life, so do not worry, i am here for you. I am here to bring you out of what the devil is luring you to. I am here to provide shelter, food and security. If only you allow me to."
Father in Heaven,
My life i rededicate to you, help me to understand you more and more each day. Be in the centre of my life, take over everything i do. Take over every word i say. Let the words that come out of this mouth of mine be of your will, of your wisdom. Father i ask for your forgiveness over my sins, everytime i made you cry. Forgive me for everything i have done. God help me to live life to the fullest and help me to live life as what a christ follower should be. Father empower me to do great works for you. All this i ask in the name of Jesus, Amen

Watched 21 today. Well, nice show i suppose. (i know its random but yeah)
Anyway, i wana take the last part of this post to really thank all my caregroup members as well as Cleon, who helped me look all over for two pathetic rings of mine as i dropped both of them in the daytona Machine. I not only found both the rings, but also a dollar coin =P. Thank you Bryan, Yk, Jeron, Reynard and Cleon! Sorry if i missed anyone out heh but you are too, appreciated!

8:23 PM; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

Shane from RP class w35a

Loves the piano

Hates rappers

ur hates here

the WISH:

Someone

theCHATTERBOX;

theEXITS;

Angela
Apologetics
Brian
Caryn
Chermaine
Daphne
Desmond Mark
Hongji
Hsueh Ni
Ikekie
Kai Hwee
Michelle (Hope)
Sharmaine
Shepherd
Stephanie
Tiffany
Vivian
Yeshen

thePAST;