thePIANIST

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Just wanna start off this post by wishing Yk happy birthday!!! whee!!!

Anw, i went to celebrate yk's birthday yesterday at O'Brien in central mall. Well.. It was a lot of affirmations and i was really really tired by the time i came home at 2+am at night.

Just woke up not too long ago. Turned on my PC and just played cs for a while. Mum and dad came home.
Mum went: Aiyoh useless piece of shit. Rain already also nobody close the windows.
(I was asleep so i was totally unaware)
More and more useless people in this family. One day i might as well jump off the building and die.
Dad: Stop playing games la. Whole day play play play.
(What the heck? Am i supposed to study study study study and study all day?)

I bet when i went overnight at Reynard's house, they never trusted that i would study. They never trusted that i ever put in effort to study or make them proud. Everything that my mum thinks of is that I'm a failure and that the reason I'm like that is because she do sent control me. Now she tries to control me by taking away my money, my share, sometimes scolding me so much for slight nonsense, passing rude and disgusting remarks about me. Often i get so pissed off i just wanna walk out of the house.
The bible says honour your parents and thou shall have long life. Honour your parents? By what? By what means? It is just so difficult to honour people who intentionally hurt you everyday and parents who never ever said i was useful or praised me for the good things i have done. I had been a useless guy in society before i knew god, and i am becoming the person i used to be again. God is moulding me but there are even more spiritual attacks than i can imagine. My faith is constantly being attacked and I am forced to spend days and nights pondering over questions and researching the Internet for relevant topics and answers to satisfy those questions. New problems and issues suffice. It gets harder and harder to honour your parents, much more satisfy them.
I am not a good child of God. I know my treacherous heart, and i know the sins i have committed. But one thing is for sure. I am trying my best to change for the better. The world can turn their back on me, the world can deem me as a useless piece of shit, but when the time comes, God will pass judgement upon them and i will be saved. I am secure in God and i know my saviour redeems me and calls me his friend. What can i possibly be afraid of? What can i possibly not attain when God is with me?
I will try my very best to do well for my o levels and honouring my parents. I will try even harder to get closer to the things i wanna achieve for God. I was never called to this earth without a reason. I am God's chosen child and I will not let him down. Just you wait.

Father in heaven,
I have laid in a comfortable position for too long. God i have been too stuck up with the weaknesses i have. Too stuck up with the comments people pass on me. I know that you see the value in me, that's why you have picked me up from the ashes of death and decay. You have given me a new hope and a new perspective. I pray today that you continue to bless me in my studies and my family. I pray that my family would understand one day and i just wanna pray that they will give me more time and space to do what is necessary. Though this is gonna be a tiring year because of my o levels, but with faith, i will give even more for you God. Nothing in this world is gonna stop me from serving you. Nothing. In jesus name i pray.. Amen

2:14 PM; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

Shane from RP class w35a

Loves the piano

Hates rappers

ur hates here

the WISH:

Someone

theCHATTERBOX;

theEXITS;

Angela
Apologetics
Brian
Caryn
Chermaine
Daphne
Desmond Mark
Hongji
Hsueh Ni
Ikekie
Kai Hwee
Michelle (Hope)
Sharmaine
Shepherd
Stephanie
Tiffany
Vivian
Yeshen

thePAST;