thePIANIST

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Late nights, fun, tiredness, boredom, senselessness, are the words to describe how i feel now. How is it like without God? I wanna know the real reason I want to love God. So many meetings, so many activities, they're really killing me and my dreams. I hate to lie, or give stupid reasons that wouldn't make anyone else happy at the end of the day. I don't wanna be a weekend christian either. Time is really not at my disposal. Orientation was really a pain, yet again with the task of bearing the cross. We walk around and people who see the cross dangling on our necks tend to notice us and give us a grade. Therefore we hold the responsibility of Christs' name. Know how bearing it without loving God or truly understanding why I'm doing this is sickening? How much really, do i need God? Why was I so focused on the past on Christs' eternal glory? Why was I so keen on keeping to the word instead of being myself? Yes the bible says to act in love to act in this and that, but why, cant I just be myself in front of him? I want to be real. I'm sure Christ did not act when he came to the cross to die for us 2000 years ago. I want to know exactly how it is like to be without God, now that i feel serving him is so tiring. That does not make me a non-believer, for i still believe that yes, he died on the cross 2000 years ago to give us fulfilling lives. If life sucked, ill come back to God of course.
I'm sorry guys, but I'm really tired of this life, tired of wearing this mask, tired of serving without a purpose, tired of not loving God yet trying so hard to do just that, tired of making excuses, tired of being aimless and purposeless. I need a long break. This has nothing to do with you guys, just me and my stubbornness and pride.

Father in heaven,
I pray you will give me a reason to love you once again, the reason to serve you. For I know that if i lean on my human understanding i will never get it. So God, tell me, show me, how much do men really need you. Tell me, what its' like to give 100% and recieve 100%. Show me what might be the cause of my misery. Thank you God, in jesus name, Amen.

12:30 PM; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

Shane from RP class w35a

Loves the piano

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ur hates here

the WISH:

Someone

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Angela
Apologetics
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Desmond Mark
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