thePIANIST

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Starting to feel lonely? No.
Starting to feel desperate for replacement? No.
Regret? No.
All this time, 2 voices constantly echo-ed about in my mind. One is that of satan's, one that of God's. Refusing to listen to either, I only followed my heart desires. I did things without caring about how I was potraying the image of Christ(I consider myself a non-believer), I did some stupid things no believer in Hope would do. Do i regret any of them? Not really. I kinda enjoyed it as i felt it was freedom. I was no longer tied down by responsibilities, a name to live up to. Living for Christ was too hard? I'd say. I can never become like christ. I can try, but the process is too painful to bear. I became someone who lived for someone else. I was not myself. I acted in love as the bible said, but it ended up to be a bed of thorned roses I was lying on all along. The more I gave, the more tired i became, the more the "love" i sought.
After i left, i told myself, live for no-one else but myself. I knew i was too young to know what was love all about. I believe in Jesus, but loving him is hard. Really..
Living for myself isnt bad at all. Felt like the world and everything along with it was taken off my shoulders. Everything was at my disposal. Just one thing.. Love was pretty much absent.. Well thats something I dont think i need. For now that is... Let's see what happens.
Love? It's really a complicated thing. Never been into a relationship for 2 or 3 years now. (Counting that of Christ's). Relationships has been a terrible thing. After seeking 2 imperfect ones, i experienced the perfect love, which in the end, I did not know how to live up to. Being loved and not giving it back just troubles me. Jesus is just too forgiving.

Well at least now im not living in hell. I have a life and im living fine without caring about what the devil or the angel has to say. I am myself, and i like it.

1:41 PM; The Pianist'

thePIANIST;

Shane from RP class w35a

Loves the piano

Hates rappers

ur hates here

the WISH:

Someone

theCHATTERBOX;

theEXITS;

Angela
Apologetics
Brian
Caryn
Chermaine
Daphne
Desmond Mark
Hongji
Hsueh Ni
Ikekie
Kai Hwee
Michelle (Hope)
Sharmaine
Shepherd
Stephanie
Tiffany
Vivian
Yeshen

thePAST;