Scarred

You never know

2011-02-20T13:39:00.002+08:00

I didn't expect this place to still exist up until this day. I didn't expect this to be the only page where I can pour my heart out unto after years of not touching this blog at all. Since the other blog is getting stalked I guess I can only write it down here.

I guess I'm beginning to need you more and more each day. Every second now you occupy my head, and even in my dreams it revolves, like a never ending cycle. I never thought I'd be this in love, but with the right person at the wrong time. I don't just want myself to be happy. I know I cant knowing the fact that you are with him and it sucks to the core every time you tell me you don't enjoy being with him or tell me you think about me when your with him because that is just wrong. You cant be happy with him if your thinking about me, yet your not letting me back off. If i take a step back, you will be unhappy, and I probably will be hurting too. If I don't, I will suffer because I know I'm not supposed to be doing this, and in turn you will too because you see me sad. I hate to see you sad but moving away from you which is the most logical thing to do will make you sad and that will kill my heart.

I already know your answer. There's just no way you would do that for me, and it was just my illusion all along. Don't worry about my feelings now. Be selfish for me. and just be happy, it's all i ask.

2009-08-31T01:20:00.001+08:00

Im moving to onsugar now. The link is: http://lifeunder-rated.onsugar.com/

2009-08-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

Stop im hurting again.. Im really hurting now.. Why wont this feeling just go away? Why cant we stay this way? Why cant I just accept the fact that its not very possible? Why cant I just back off and let time slowly heal my wounds? Why am i hurting myself and drowning myself in self-pity? Why am i even thinking again? I hate the way things are now, the way I am. Im losing control of myself.

Ton-ned with dennis at bukit merah macs yesterday. Had a good time talking about life.
Reality is still as cruel as it is. I thought something could have satisfied me for the rest of my life. A truth i used to choose to devote my life to, became a heap of ashes as time went by. It was real to me, but it doesnt matter anymore, because they are gone now. You are gone now.

Whoever is up there, do whatever you want with me, because im already dead in my own world.

我望向你的臉, 卻只能看見一片虛無

我很想你, 你知道嗎?

2009-08-29T02:24:00.002+08:00

Went out with Xiang wei and Charlene today. Meh didnt buy anything today.. Supposed to shop lor.. ><. Aiya like no mood to shop la. But good anw, save $$. Argh. weekends are gonna be boring cuz i dont have any plans yet. Okay idk what else to blog anw.

2009-08-28T00:50:00.004+08:00

Dear w35a,

A thousand words cannot explain how im feeling right now. I try to find a word in the dictionary that could summarize my thoughts and it would be amazing, truly amazing how we blended so well in such a limited time spent together. The times we 版面 together, disturb archana together, slacked together, hung out together, played basketball together, movie together, chalet together, talk craps together, ALOT LA. Ok im just gonna say, really gonna miss you guys and all that time we spent together isnt gonna just disappear cuz im gonna remember them for the rest of my life. You guys rock'd!

to: 版面gang.

LOL. It was fun eating together and talking craps while doing so. Im so gonna miss eating 版面 with you guys!

to: Peiyi

Bestfriend! Your really.. QUIETTT..... BUT. I really really really really want to thank you and appreciate you lots for being there for me all the time yeh. Really brightened up my life in poly. Its amazing isnt it? How we ended up so close. Must have been the train rides. Hey now, even after we change class, must not drift like u said. Hang out tgt sometime again! <3

to: Ewen

Wow! Didnt really talk to you until a month or so ago. Really enjoyed talking to you on msn and hanging out with you irl. Thanks for the stuff u shared too! Great knowing you!

And same thing man, dont wana drift from you too.

to: Samuel

LOL stupid old man. Thanks for listening to me and stuffs! Enjoyed my time spent with you too!

finally to the rest:

CHALET MUST COME HOR! And better keep in contact. =)

2009-08-27T02:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, i just pray that you saw through my intentions in that moment.

Why do i feel so shitty today? Perhaps its all that talking with my friends on msn, and perhaps its just an over consumption of alcohol last night. Whatever it is, i really feel troubled over something i shouldn't be.

Just as i thought I should give up now, the feeling came. I can never give up because I can never stop me from myself. Im uncontrollably liking you, and it hurts me all day. The truth is, i cant get you off my mind at all. I think ill never have the chance to say it, and it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

2009-08-27T00:50:00.001+08:00

其实还爱你

词曲: 阿沁

我讨厌冬天的风
冷的那么刺痛
只有你能够抚平所有的寂寞
昨天的风筝在角落
被谁丢到了路口
我很不想让你找到离开的理由

每一夜闭上眼睛
我看到了噩梦
你微笑但是旁边的人不是我
天空切开一道裂缝
直接割到我心中
不想装做脆弱
也不想爱的懦弱

其实我非常爱你
不想失去你
难道我没有权利
说我不愿意
你给了他的吻虽然只有余温
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心

我知道他很爱你
你怕他伤心
我每天假装开心害怕你离去
可不可以任性求求你不要去
藏在我心里最后一句
其实还爱你

可不可以任性求求你不要去
藏在我心里最后一句
其实还爱你

In love with the song <3><. Bf is crazy over michael scoffield and im so jealous ><. LOL.

2009-08-24T01:00:00.003+08:00

That was quite a show, very entertaining.

Tired after one whole day at orchard with sharmaine. As usual, she was 1 hour late and she dragged me to all the girly shops. Watched Where Got Ghost again.. Damn lame. Ok wtv sharmaine seems to be lack of a dress for her grad night. Lets see if mum has any pre made.. Ok never caught up with sharmaine in a long time so.. Yeah.. DONT JEALOUS AH READERS! LOL. Right anyway, Im like studying for my mathematics now.. Totally CHUI la.

2009-08-23T03:44:00.001+08:00

Why wont you just make it clear to me now?
I hate thinking endlessly every night, and staying the way we are.

Bye.

I just borrowed someone i dont really know $140. I dont expect a return i guess.. He claims that hes returning it to a loan shark. Okay actually many of my friends was against it.. I just felt that i had to help.. Since he asked in the middle of the night and showed he really needed the money.. I decided to be nice that is.

2009-08-20T23:32:00.001+08:00

WHOOOOOO seventh month is lame ><. OK RANDOM Stupid lahh went to watch where got ghost with eng hou at cathay today. Damn stupid LA the show. lols. Spent alot of money today again and im SOOOO hungry now =(. I want bf to cook for me!! LOL. Argh.. Damn bored too. lying on the bed stoning while using the com ><.

2009-08-19T01:00:00.002+08:00

In love with My chemical romance ><. So random Lols. Listening to alot of old songs now =).

Argh UT3 is in like a few hours.. I haven't studied much ><. Damn man. I feel so useless.

Ok cant wait for Chalet and kbox with classmates. Ima miss them so much after this stupid semester. Why RP must change class every sem =(. Id rather remain like this forever =p. It took us so long to blend together, but now we're breaking apart again. Sigh this is life.

Sorta reminds me of someone. Hope to catch up with you soon!

Ok im really in no mood to study now, but since someone bugged me to ill just do all the way till p15.

2009-08-18T08:50:00.002+08:00

Yo bestf!

Finally getting to know the serious side of you after so long. Sorry man i feel so useless now. But heh! I know u will always be there for me when im down and cheering me on so im gonna do just the same. You know ill aways be just a call away.. =).

Oh and please take care of your health! Ur always getting sick nowadays. Drink lots of water bodoh =).

Shane is here no more nightmares! LOL.

2009-08-17T14:52:00.002+08:00

Presentation just ended... Energized by some crappy moments. We totally screwed up somehow i guess. Today was really damn chui.. Damn boring.. Cant wait for school to end! I wana sleep! =(

on a side note, bestf is beside me but we havent talked for the whole day ><

2009-08-17T10:31:00.002+08:00

So sian in class now.. I havent been doing anything for any teams recently.. Just cant concentrate in class. Feels like crap now cuz its monday and its science today. Feels like the worst day yet in this semester. Havent studied enough for UT3, and im really sick and tired of thinking about it. I just wana sleep. Everything is giving me a headache now.. I havent been sleeping well recently.. Staying up, thinking, facebook, msn, rubbish. I need a break now.. Im really tired of school.

I wish life was a dream, and dream was reality.

2009-08-16T22:28:00.000+08:00

我很想你. 你知道嗎?

Suicidal Thoughts

2009-08-14T21:58:00.003+08:00

The CE talk totally drained the crap outta me today.. Went for basketball, which i didnt play much and now stuck at home doing nothing again. Am going to stay home and study tomorrow? My GPA is screwed up now.. Need to buck up.

2009-08-14T14:59:00.001+08:00

Really bored.. Now in some Enterprise Workshop.. Idk why im here either. Sick of CE talks

2009-08-14T09:12:00.001+08:00

So bored today. Back is aching again...

Gonna drag myself to that CE talk later on, then maybe go for basketball afterward. Oh man.. Im sooooooo tired and lazy to do programming now.

2009-08-13T20:10:00.001+08:00

Ok i have really been wanting to tell alot of people some things ive been keeping inside me so.. Im just gonna do it here. Hope it finds its way to its rightful owner.
Im not gonna include any names so you guys can go ahead and guess who im referring to..

To: Someone
Whats the point of giving in to you all the time?

I kinda really had enough of you. Though I know you dont read my blog, all the more im gonna post about it. I kinda hate how ur treating me now. Im not a dog or a slave you know. I have a life committed to no-one, answerable to no-one. So in case you think Im like you, who just whines all day, no im nothing like you.

You know i thought you could have been a close friend of mine, but really, the things you say, and the things u do, just aren't making things easier for the both of us. Im sick and tired of going to school with someone who does not treasure friendship. Im gonna miss the crappy shit we often spoke of but my friend, im so sorry. Your really not someone i can share stuff with.

I wont forget that phone call today. You just fucking dissed me.

To: Once a best friend

You know, the times we spent together arent just gonna vapourise. The nights we tonned together, the nights we kicked cats, played basketball way pass midnight, drank and ate deserts till our brains froze,the nights we were really emo and just wanted chill? I remember them vividly as they flashback to me once again. I miss you dear friend and ill never forget you.

I guess school has really drifted us apart and so sorry ive not been trying hard enough to patch up this dying friendship. Hope to talk to you soon anyway!

To: Close friend

Dude you probably will know who im talking about. Please don't follow in my shoes. I really invested alot of time and effort to make sure you realized who you really were. So dont follow what im doing now cuz your just gonna end up like me, grumpy about everything. You know what? God loves you, and you dont hate him. So no matter what has become of me, dont give up what you have been chasing all along. I may be out of the race, but dont forget me friend, ill always be there for ya.

Sorry that i fucked up yeah. Thank you for putting up with me sometimes and really, thanks for the times back last year. Study hard and honour your parents! mummy boy =).

To: Once a brother

Sorry that i havent been a very good example to you. However i have influenced you, please learn only the good stuff. Don't forget the times we spent together kid. I hope to see you strong in christ yeah?

Gambate!

To: Once a friend

Sorry i fucked up. Big time? I guess. You probably wouldn't recognize me anymore because I've really changed so much. Thanks for your investment in me but im sorry to say, im out of this race. I ran it strong and steady at first, but I fell, and nobody was there to pick me up. Sorry to say, i've grown tired and the anger i have against him has increased over the months.

You dont call no more, you dont care no more. So im just gonna say here, thanks for the memmories.

To: Best friend

Thanks for everything. It would have been hell without you here.

with <3,
Shane.

2009-08-13T08:46:00.002+08:00

Somebody is early today eh? =).

So bored in class now.. Didnt feel like going in the first place cuz i was really dead tired and lazy to move or go out. I actually feel like going partial today.. but i guess thats out of the question luh. Ill just get a C at most.

Ok im really really really bored.. Faci is talking about the problem but my head really cant think. This eyesight is failing me too.

(bestfriend must be really bored.. She is without her laptop =(. )

2009-08-12T23:56:00.001+08:00

YO BestF! =)
I really appreciate you for being there for me all this time when i felt really stressed up and alone. Haha honnestly I think fate really brought us closer. I never imagined we would be this close eh. Thanks to the retarded train rides we take together. All that crapping must have brought us this far. Eh and thanks ah everyday must at least bully me one LOL.

Ok and yes i really bookmarked that blog post u made for me hor lols. Ok sounds like im ome sicko but nvm. Really, thanks for that post. Nothing everbrightened me up so much.

on a side note.. : Wei dun eat so little lah u stupid fatty =). See la now everyay gastrics. Dun ban mian le.. have a proper meal =)!

2009-08-10T15:49:00.000+08:00

What am i? 3 years old? 10? I cant even rest my head on my arm? OH cmon its not even the case that my hands are filled with filth or anything. I washed them. God. Why must u interfere when im watching a show? U got the rights to be angry, don't I too? You abandoned me. Now I don't have the rights to ignore you? Just because you were the one who endured the pain of birth doesn't mean you have every right in my life.
I am only grateful to you for certain things, but seriously, stop stressing me

2009-08-10T00:38:00.002+08:00

Somewhere at cine...

Ok this was nicer than expected lols
Wow whos this handsome dude? =X

Okay these were the pictures from the movie outing yesterday with peiyi, vino, ewen, elvin and Hweeling.

2009-08-09T23:52:00.005+08:00

Trying to salvage what seems lost.

The tremendous and overwhelming loss of friendship ever since I left youth is still haunting me. Didnt end on a high note, and didnt go to tertiary that excited after all. A friendship that took countless of train rides, outings, care and time is slowly fading. Feeling dry already. God is that you making my life so miserable? Why did you save me in the first place? Why me and not another? Why make me tear for you? Why fight so hard to keep this friendship intact? I cant feel you there anymore. I cant hear whatever it is your trying to tell me. Im dying of boredom in this world which im stuck with alone.

You know i feel terrible. So stop making me cry.
Ill fight hard.. to protect whatever i can.

Im still crying quietly under the same ceiling i see everyday.

2009-08-09T11:25:00.002+08:00

Feeling tired and really really emo now.

Went to the movies with Ewen, elvin, vino , peiyi and hweeling yesterday. Watched GI.Joe at LIDO yesterday. Hell i forgot to eat my 2nd burger when the movie started. Like the beggar i am, i left it for dinner LOL. Ok it didnt taste that bad. Took pictures beside cine and had snow ice at some HK restaurant afterward. And for some stupid reason i cant post any pictures or change my font.. ARGH. OK anw, went to the wrong side of the train all the way to Jurong East with Peiyi yesterday. The train ride was like 1 hour and peiyi was whinning all the way from orchard to Jurong East like a little girl ><. "I WANT MY BED" "I WANT TO GO HOME". LOL. Ok anyway, took a cab to send her home first then headed home. The fare was $31.20 peeps. Thats the most expensive ride ever ><.

2009-08-06T22:58:00.002+08:00

I dont have the courage to.
I know you already know it. I cant help but think. But i wanna pursue you not knowing the outcome, but i dont have the courage to. Ill pick that up somewhere, and be honest sometime.

School sux. Grades sux. Studying sux.

2009-08-03T20:41:00.001+08:00

I screwed up so bad today... And my headache ain't leaving me.
God i swear i was never disturbed so much in my whole entire damned life.

I ask myself: why am i such a coward? God knows what the answer is.
Screw reality. I just cant feel more stupid than i ever was.

2009-08-01T16:00:00.001+08:00

My house internet is a piss off, really ><.

Basketball yesterday.. back aching like mad already.. Had basketball for 3 consecutive days. Blisters on my feet again.. Argh then that stupid peiyi go suan me LOL. Okay today is gonna be a long boring day.. Im not going out today and that means im stuck at home for e whole day. ON TOP OF THAT, i have no mood to study. SIGHS.

2009-07-30T21:56:00.002+08:00

Stop this torment. End this race im running without shoes.

Tired is my soul, for the past few days had been days of emotional stress. The truth impales my heart like a double edged sword, and ruptures as it sucks the life out of my wretched soul. Tell me it isn't real. Just say the word, ill go for you, to the ends of the earth.
I dont know if i can concentrate on my studies at all like this. These thoughts are taking over my whole being.

Went out earlier to play basketball and tired myself out.. At least i could forget and think less when im on it. Now that im home, the thinking starts again. Its killing me really..

Im here without you but your still with me in my dreams. Why?

Someone please pour me some vodka. I wanna escape this reality.

2009-07-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

This crush aint going away.

2009-07-27T21:40:00.000+08:00

What is this feeling?

Life? Lively.
School? Boring.

Class chalet was fun i guess.. Just insufficient alcohol. Well. I fell dead when i reached home. Slept till like 10am though.. ONly 2 hours. Bleh. Well im not tired now. I have much to think of. Chalet was a little boring i have to admit. Well, the people just seemed so STONE and DEAD.
Okay anw i went late and was partial for school today. Just had no mood to do PBL with a replacement faci which totally CMI. Anw most of the class hated it so i dont regret it. Went for a movie(Haunting of Connecticut) with ewen, elvin, peiyi, sam, sam's GF, vino and jason just now. The movie was damn crazy. Super gory. Eh but i brave okay =)))). HAHAHA.
Okay second half of return trip was boring. Sent someone home then went to get some scores from Cher. Okay today was fun =).

2009-07-18T18:01:00.002+08:00

Ah shut up. I dont wana hear from you no more. You just rub it in all the time.

Life? Sux to the core. Thats all i can say. Seriously... Did anyone thing ill be satisfied with good grades? Hell no. U can give me 5 straight As and ill still not be satisfied with life. Academic results dont even contribute to my life satisfaction. I feel so alone. Feel a lack of close friends i can confide in. Anw, im getting my bank card. FINALLY. SPENDING SPREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont break that bond with me yer buncha idiots =).

2009-07-11T19:20:00.002+08:00

You can just screw me all you want. I don't care. Your a friend i cannot bear to see dead. Get it?

Life sucked. Life sucked really bad. Things fell on me real hard, and im tired and sick of this world. I was stuck at AMK with ike yesterday with no last train or bus to bring me back home. We ended up sleeping at macs. Luckily nobody chased us out.. Woke up at 4am today and trust me i ached all over.
Home is just so effin boring. Seriously. My mum just never stops nagging i feel like just signing a wireless internet and come home late everyday just stay in sch and use the damn internet. Mum nags everyday im at home, whatever i do just doesnt frikin please her. I dont need to anyway. Screw this life. Screw this family who doesnt care. Screw the fact that my friend thinks im fake. Screw the fake relationships we had. Im tired of this world.
I go to school, study and tire the hell out of myself, then leave, go home and rot and get nagged at. You think i face no fucking stress at all? I had enough! Even friends are leaving me. Who can i talk to? Who can i fucking depend on? And you tell me you wana break this friendship because you dont treasure it. Fine. Everyone is screwing with me. This world is screwing with me. Who can i really talk to? Who can i really share my joy with? I wana listen to your stupid problems. I wana listen to your nonsense. Why? Cuz i dont wana lose a friend like you. I cannot afford it anymore because i know even if its fake, ill never find myself another like you. So damnit stop telling me ur not worth being a friend of. Dont tell me u wana murder yourself. Stop this rubbish. Its killing urself and me. Dont be a suicide bomber asshole. You have people who love and care about you.

Who wants to be my friend? I have none.

2009-06-26T21:46:00.005+08:00

Ok this is so lame.. Im blogging in a hospital, believe it or not. Omg la... I'm in Alexandra hospital quarantined like a pig lor. Sighs.. Pictures will explain everything.
THIS is called the.. I dont know.. Pressure meter? They come in and out of ma ward wrappin that over my hand.
This thing cant eve be a lifesaver.. Red button for nurse, blue ones are for e tv, yellow is for e lights.
They have the same exact TV i HAD at home! Reminiscence!
After all, im bored.
I WANT TO GET HOME TO EAT MY RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-22T23:23:00.002+08:00

Had a really bad fever, headache, sore throat and on top of those, muscle aches yesterday. Haven't recovered fully though..
I decided to take taxi home due to my bad condition yesterday. It just wasn't my day. The taxi driver was a complete asshole. He drove rounds and rounds just to earn himself better income. Asshole! There was I in his car, having a bad headache and obviously i didnt feel good. Seeing the cross he hung by his seat, i wondered to myself if that guy was a christian. I didnt ask though.. I was too sick to have done that. In the end, i paid $6 for such a short distance. Thanks Asshole.
Went home and fell on the bed immediately. I was so sick and tired, i felt like cursing and swearing.
I was down with fever, and my body temperature went as high as 39.2 yesterday.
Miraculously, it dropped to 36.7 earlier, which i hope will be maintained.
Thanks for the prayers!

2009-06-21T17:48:00.003+08:00

Who's dancing? Who's singing? Who's living the life that's worth living?
Who's running? Who's loving? Who's breaking the doors wide open?

Is this really the life worth living?

2009-06-21T05:22:00.003+08:00

I would do all this to make you smile, but will the smile linger on that sulky face I see for a long time?
Ill make the shadows in you fade away, but will you appreciate what I've done?

Went out for svs today.. Trust me it was damn tiring. I forgot svs was at 7pm today so i rotted at long johns as i reached at 5+. Anw i went to Cathay to attempt to fix my watch. It didn't work.. I was referred to another place.
Service was cool. I had a urge to answer to that altar call, but no. I was not fully satisfied with the answer i got from God or from the sermon. Tell you guys some other time!
Played L4D till very late, so I came home just a little earlier, maybe half an hour ago. I made someone angry =(. Sorry for making you wait. I didn't know you did.

The walk home was dark and I was feeling a little cranky. The darkness was just... Intriguing.. Please, don't even try walking home alone near 4:30 am. It will scare the shit outta you.

When will I live normally again?

2009-06-19T22:48:00.002+08:00

My mind is frozen at the reality i face.

An empty house is what i return to everyday. Nobody is home, and ill either sleep, exercise or play some music while relaxing or doing my RJ. Life is such a bore seriously. Really.. Who are my friends? You know, you can only know and acknowledge them as they go through life with you. Every single day. I mean it. Every single day. They don't wanna miss a thing, because they care about us.
I feel a little empty. I dont have such a friend. You know? Someone who understands me because my situation is pretty complex.
Yes i need some medicine. Shane is dying.

2009-06-18T22:03:00.002+08:00

Didnt go to school today.. Talked to someone all the way till like 6:15 AM today. LOL! Diddt go to sch in the end of course.
Ehhh but im going to sch tmr.. Though ill need to tahan that ARCHANA BABU again. She my team tmr ehh.. Walao.. Die le.. Science chui sia. My most hated facilitator and module. Siighh.. Why so bored!! Wah sian i promised someone to sleep by 12 today.. Shdnt have done that lor.. Walao. Now i better make full use of my time! LOL. I think im gonna change my blogskin =) its so boring.
BRB!

2009-06-17T22:49:00.001+08:00

This is as far as it gets..

2009-06-17T18:49:00.000+08:00

My head hurts.. who am i?

2009-06-17T01:10:00.002+08:00

Reading through my old entries, trying to catch a glimpse of who i really am. Why do they sound so stranger to me? Have I lost myself again?
Who am I?
Can someone tell me?

2009-06-16T21:05:00.002+08:00

Second day.. Enterprising was a hell of a bitch.
Im in a terrible mood today. I'm just not showing everything. I have friends to throw all these burdens at, but I'll choose to just throw them here.
Most of you probably know me as a guy who seems to be a tough one. I go to school, acting as if i was an extrovert who wanted to get to know everyone in class. You guys know all the crap i say. What retarded jokes i crack. Trust me. I didn't know that was me. I don't even know if im acting. I dont even know who i am now. Who is the Shane you know? What did he look like? What made him happy? What makes him sad? I feel like I have a sudden loss of memmory, and im desperately trying to find an opening to the shithole im stuck in. I hate to vent all this on anyone but i feel like i have no choice but to do everything here. It doesnt feel like an emotional problem. I dont think im mentally tired. I think too much? Maybe?
Who am I? What am I living for? What is my purpose in life? What truely satisfies me?
God is that you? Screwing me up? I need some answers..

Life has been a bore. I realized i slowly and gradually fell away from my close friends. Did i have many to begin with? I feel lonely, vexed, tired. I need a shoulder i can lean on. It feels like hell. Getting into a relationship now would only drag the person down together into the shithole i am in. So thats definately not the solution. Besides, don't you girls think im way too immatured for anyone? Ah that was random.

2009-06-16T00:26:00.003+08:00

Sch started today!
I thought that was the end of my holiday boredom. I was so wrong. This instead was the mark of the start of a living hell. I need to work harder.. I want to do better in class for better grades. I need those grades. That's why ill do whatever i can do get it.
Its too troublesome though.. Especially when it comes to concentration. You guys know me well. I have a very short attention span on the things I have no interest of. Especially academic stuff. Luckily most of the RP modules are not very academic. Except for Maths and Science of course, but i feel that they are so !@#$-ing easy.

Rested the whole day today at home after school. I had a really bad stomach ache earlier in the afternoon. Hey sch ended early too! Maths module today as usual. Ended at like 12? LOL super early right. Went to eat after that then we headed home together. Went to the jurong east side with PeiYi as usual, got pang seh by Andy lols. Anyway, im like so bored now. Everybody asleep ><.

Pray that tomorrow will be a better day!

Just smt random:

My top 5 most favourite NBA players:
#1 Kobe Bryant
#2 Vince Carter
#3 Allen Iverson
#4 Jason Kidd
#5 Steve Nash

Lose yourself

2009-06-14T20:31:00.002+08:00

Nice song =)
Lose yourself -Eminem
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

Yeah,
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's choking how, everybody's joking now
The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
He's so mad, but he won't give up that
Easy, no
He won't have it , he knows his whole back's to these ropes
It don't matter, he's dope
He knows that, but he's broke
He's so stagnant that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rhapsody
He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

x2
(You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo)

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is boring, but superstardom's close to post mortem
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
He's grown farther from home, he's no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cause here goes the cold water
His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product
They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose it's old partner', but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da
x2
(You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo)

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage
Tear this motherfucking roof off like two dogs caged
I was playing in the beginning, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhyming and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebody's paying the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the
Fact that I can't get by with my nine to
Five and I can't provide the right type of life for my family
Cause man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers
And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Trying to feed and water my seed, plus
Teeter totter caught up between being a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama's screaming on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another day of monotony
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not
Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go
I cannot grow old in Salem's lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cause maybe the only opportunity that I got

x2
(You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo)

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

Just looking around youtube when i chanced upon this song. I think im addicted to it =).

Went for service yesterday.. There was a crazy welcome party for joeanne ang. We were drenched in flour ><. Luckily, i hid behind a pole. Service felt empty. I dont know. The notes i copied didnt mean anything to me like they used to.
Im sinning in front of Christ and i know it. I know hes watching me. I also know he doesnt count my sins. Im not using this as an excuse, but i dont wana make my life difficult because I wana act like somebody else im not.

Haha enough le ><
Anw, holidays are finally over after today. Gosh im damn bored right now.. At least Sch doesn't make life suck. Cya w35a peeps tmr!

2009-06-13T02:13:00.001+08:00

LAKERS TOOK GAME 4!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Kobe is now 1 win away from his 4th ring. GO LAKERS!

2009-06-12T01:29:00.004+08:00

Wah midnight already.. and some people still aren't asleep. Pfft!

Did nothing much yesterday (Thursday) . Just some shopping at NTUC with my parents. Enjoyed the time spent tgt (ps. free stuff too =) ).
Went out with Sharmaine on Wednesday. Walao waited for her for like ages la >.<>.<. Ok guys if you ever go out with Sharmaine, please be at least 1 hour late because you will be on time =). Went to eat tgt at Carls' jr, and talked about our lives as we ate. Haha she has a boyfriend for 8 months le >.<. I didnt even know la. Wah lao. Some kind of friend she it right? !!! GRR. Anyway, we slacked around vivo after that, just walked around and got dragged into some girly shops in the process. TRUST ME IT WAS MY FRIST TIME IN FOREVER 21 AND THOSE WEIRDO SHOPS. Gosh.. People gave me that sick look. They must have thought i was out of my mind! Anyway, I was >.<. But well! Get used to it =). Went to the arcade and pet safari! OH gosh, those pets are really cute but that place smells filthy somehow. Oh and btw, sharmaine really, really, really knows how to throw away her money. Walk a few steps only buy something le ><. OH YAH. Sharmaine still owes me ice cream >.< DAMN!!! Forget to kope from her LOL.
Haiz anyway, it was a fun time i spent with her on thursday.

ARGH. Lakers are 2-1 against the magic. GO lakers! Just 2 more games!!!!!!

2009-06-09T19:28:00.003+08:00

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2009-06-07T19:41:00.004+08:00

After all I've gone through? You ask me why?

Because i hated who i was.
It was definitely just a sweet dream, the man i became, and who I am now, is a totally different thing. Don't remind me of the past. I want to forget.

Can someone please remove this pain?

2009-06-07T19:32:00.002+08:00

Slept really late yesterday.. Talked to PeiYi till like 3am about some of my past.
Anyway, life hasnt been too bad lately. Just a little ups and downs here and there. Just need to find myself something that can occupy me during the holidays. This seirously feels like the aftermath of o-levels. Its soo boring luh!
Just went for basketball and tired myself out. Next week is another week of mystery. What awaits me? I should, find some work to do cuz im rotting at home already la! Wont someone please, ask me out or smt?!
Gah i guess ill just stick to playing the piano for time to pass.

2009-06-06T22:07:00.003+08:00

Lakers:
#24 Kobe Bryant

Not just another player. This guy inspires me a whole lot. His "passion" that drives him to go on scoring runs. Who cares if hes better than jordan or not! There isnt another guy in the game right now I see that wants the championship as badly as kobe. The crowd can go BOO and he'd always continue to persevere and win the game for his team.
So GO KOBE and the LAKERS! 2009 PLAYOFF CHAMPIONS!

2009-06-05T23:05:00.003+08:00

Life has indeed been fun-filled. Living the church-less life.. Some things bother me,but I shouldn't be saying it here.
What is God to me? Some ask. What is all that friendship to me? So much for serving so hard the past few years, they say. I announce that it has been tiring, too tiring I feel. It's as if im working a job. Why serve? I always ask. Just because God loves you, you wana do he same, you can only serve, bla bla, don't wana see others burn in hell, whatever. I think im starting to hate that truth. The truth of God giving as a second chance to be his pawn in his game. Either we be a part of the chess piece, or be eliminated and suffer for eternity, forgotten in the fiery chasm of hell. I am pretty selfish aint i?
You all think I dont give a damn about my friends or those people. Yes alright fair enough. How much of myself should i sacrifice to prevent that kind of hellish scenario then? Im already bleeding from my experience in serving. I felt no joy, just pain. I think its pretty impossible to serve when I cant even be motivated to love something I dont. Really, stop all this "Burn in hell" shit. It's not that i don't care. I just dont want it to become the only reason I serve. I hate to be a pawn, really..
More of you and less of me? I think thats rubbish.

CLASS OUTING!

2009-06-03T23:44:00.004+08:00

This is just wrong >.<
ME Andy!!
Look at jackys' face. >.<
Banana!
Nth to say
Pretty much everyone except Andy and Sam who was terribly late
The girls!

Ewen
Looking for tickets..
There!!!

Ok thats about it.. Im just too lazy to upload more.

Okay im gonna talk about it later. Im so busy right now.

2009-06-01T20:57:00.002+08:00

Is it time i returned?
I learned a lot... Since i left. Is it time?

2009-05-24T09:18:00.000+08:00

I will prove you wrong.

2009-05-21T01:18:00.002+08:00

Just what the hell is wrong with you guys?
I went to church for 2 years. I surely dont have a lack of preaching of the gospel. I know the fundamentals of christianity, been through it and im making my decision. If you guys are gonna take it so personally, thats fine with me because all that happens is that you wont get what you want but ill still go on doing what I want to do.
Enough of talking. Even if you don't feel that your a bother, you are already to me, a big pain in the ass.

Ill make one last reminder. Im doing this because i find no joy in serving. Im leaving so I can tell the difference between the normal life and the christian life. All you guys do is to criticise and criticise. Is that the best you can do as a friend? Hypocrites. Do you have the rights to judge another? I wont say anymore. Cuz screw those friendships i lost. I dont want any pity or any prayer. Dont even talk to me about it.

I DONT FRIKIN CARE EVEN IF YOU DESPISE ME. HEAR THAT? I DONT GIVE A SHIT SO STOP SCREWING AROUND WITH MY LIFE IF YOU RESPECT ME AS A HUMAN BEING.

2009-05-19T07:56:00.001+08:00

I will mourn your death, brother.

2009-05-16T08:49:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow's always a new start. I believe its time to put the past behind and look forward. Whoever isnt with me, just leave quietly. I dont wish to hear anymore of the past. What i've done, what you want me to do. I dont want anymore demands, no more tears, no more regrets. I do what I do not to be an asshole, but I do what I do because I hate what I was doing.
I know that by doing this im losing many friends, even close ones. I wont apologize or anything. Ill only say, that they were memmories worth keeping. Thanks. My previous life ends here. Who I am today, will be the Shane who never learned of Gods' love. The one who never knew what it was like to accept it. The one who is currently studying in Rp and just wants to live his life.
I've lost certain things, but i feel like I've gained even more.

2009-05-15T07:53:00.003+08:00

Instead of telling me whats so bad about a life lived for myself, tell me. What's of worth?
I personally find living for myself nothing wrong. So, stop trying everyone. If you still want to be my friend, then let me take it the hard way if you call it. Dont even bother about trying to convince me out of my world. Take it as i never believed in God. You might find approaching me a much easier solution that way. I want to start this all over again. I dont wana hear all that nonsense about me doing the wrong things.
I do what I am doing because i feel thats the right thing to do. Im following my hearts' desires. Just in case you dont know, Im telling you now. I know the consequences of my actions. I know that by doing that, blah blah blah happens. Dont even tell me about it, cuz your just being long winded to me.
Dont try anything funny if you dont wish to risk your friendship with me.

2009-05-12T01:03:00.003+08:00

Prolonging my lifetime as a pawn on the chessboard? Erase my pain.
What is love?

2009-05-11T08:02:00.002+08:00

If heeding my own way is a form of listening to what the devil says, then I am a devil.

Hunger

2009-05-09T13:41:00.004+08:00

Starting to feel lonely? No.
Starting to feel desperate for replacement? No.
Regret? No.
All this time, 2 voices constantly echo-ed about in my mind. One is that of satan's, one that of God's. Refusing to listen to either, I only followed my heart desires. I did things without caring about how I was potraying the image of Christ(I consider myself a non-believer), I did some stupid things no believer in Hope would do. Do i regret any of them? Not really. I kinda enjoyed it as i felt it was freedom. I was no longer tied down by responsibilities, a name to live up to. Living for Christ was too hard? I'd say. I can never become like christ. I can try, but the process is too painful to bear. I became someone who lived for someone else. I was not myself. I acted in love as the bible said, but it ended up to be a bed of thorned roses I was lying on all along. The more I gave, the more tired i became, the more the "love" i sought.
After i left, i told myself, live for no-one else but myself. I knew i was too young to know what was love all about. I believe in Jesus, but loving him is hard. Really..
Living for myself isnt bad at all. Felt like the world and everything along with it was taken off my shoulders. Everything was at my disposal. Just one thing.. Love was pretty much absent.. Well thats something I dont think i need. For now that is... Let's see what happens.
Love? It's really a complicated thing. Never been into a relationship for 2 or 3 years now. (Counting that of Christ's). Relationships has been a terrible thing. After seeking 2 imperfect ones, i experienced the perfect love, which in the end, I did not know how to live up to. Being loved and not giving it back just troubles me. Jesus is just too forgiving.

Well at least now im not living in hell. I have a life and im living fine without caring about what the devil or the angel has to say. I am myself, and i like it.

It wasnt about the money.. it was pride

2009-05-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

We didn't lose. We just wont admit it. It was a probability game, a one involving mindless shooting. We were unlucky. They weren't better.

Thanks for the playing experience team. Though we made mistakes, we were a perfect team. We proved that teamwork beats professionalism. As we trashed our way to the finals, we soon realized that it wasnt about the people not being good enough. It was not about our good strategy. It was just us, working as a team. We looked out for one another, we got all over them together, we die together, and we won together.
Survival mode was crap. There was no way we could garuntee 8 minutes.. It really depended on the dumb artificial inteligence. Dennis' lag for 3 seconds had cost him his life, and hongjis' lag for 2 seconds likewise.
We had so much time after our semi final round as we ended it early. We watched our opponents and saw how each of them were only good individually. We knew that if we had ended up playing VS mode, we would have won. Sadly, we ended up playing a probability game, which none of us ended up happy losing. Again, we didnt play for the money. We played to test how good we were.

2009-04-27T21:19:00.002+08:00

Second week of school.. Nothing special really.. Just some old faces and same old style: PPT. Poly life isnt that bad. In fact im enjoying it. The laid back and "At your own pace" kind of learning. Thats smt i enjoy.
Sleeping early everyday and reaching early.. Feels super shiok to eat breakfast lol. Im running out of clothes to wear to school though.. LOL. Gonna try to fit in my jeans tomorrow. I know it will be quite awkward. Screw it XD.
I got C for mathematics T.T. Stupid faci. She commented that i didnt like to work with my team-mates. WHAT THE HECK. Totally not true. No-one would agree to that. Omg. C is a real insult. I got b for the rest though.. Not very good..
Aiya dont bother la.. Anw im quite happy with my life right now. I dont feel that im missing out anything i should not be missing. Whee~
Next time folks.

The Ungodly life

2009-04-22T22:50:00.002+08:00

Isnt too bad. I do my projects well, I communicate to others well, I feel more freedom. Tied down to Godly principals last time, I would think 10 times before i do anything. Now it seems the chains have broken. I feel free to do anything i liked. My class is populated with many christians though.. Can count like 6 or 7? Well out of 25 that is.. I feel like the worst out of them though.. Now that i have left Christ. When i played shuffle on my media player and a christian song came up, i cant help but to feel unworthy and change the song almost immediately.
Regret? No I dont think so. Im living my life well now. There isnt any hole in my heart yet.
Well some good things about me remain though.. At least i dont smoke and do drugs, I can say im pretty decent for my looks. I dont slack and slack and forget to help my team mates do their project, and most of all, i think im scoring well in class.
Well school is really tiring though.. Gotta do projects everyday.. Getting used to it.. I hope.

ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
ok nvm that was just a warcry for the next day.
TILL NEXT TIME!

2009-04-18T12:30:00.003+08:00

Late nights, fun, tiredness, boredom, senselessness, are the words to describe how i feel now. How is it like without God? I wanna know the real reason I want to love God. So many meetings, so many activities, they're really killing me and my dreams. I hate to lie, or give stupid reasons that wouldn't make anyone else happy at the end of the day. I don't wanna be a weekend christian either. Time is really not at my disposal. Orientation was really a pain, yet again with the task of bearing the cross. We walk around and people who see the cross dangling on our necks tend to notice us and give us a grade. Therefore we hold the responsibility of Christs' name. Know how bearing it without loving God or truly understanding why I'm doing this is sickening? How much really, do i need God? Why was I so focused on the past on Christs' eternal glory? Why was I so keen on keeping to the word instead of being myself? Yes the bible says to act in love to act in this and that, but why, cant I just be myself in front of him? I want to be real. I'm sure Christ did not act when he came to the cross to die for us 2000 years ago. I want to know exactly how it is like to be without God, now that i feel serving him is so tiring. That does not make me a non-believer, for i still believe that yes, he died on the cross 2000 years ago to give us fulfilling lives. If life sucked, ill come back to God of course.
I'm sorry guys, but I'm really tired of this life, tired of wearing this mask, tired of serving without a purpose, tired of not loving God yet trying so hard to do just that, tired of making excuses, tired of being aimless and purposeless. I need a long break. This has nothing to do with you guys, just me and my stubbornness and pride.

Father in heaven,
I pray you will give me a reason to love you once again, the reason to serve you. For I know that if i lean on my human understanding i will never get it. So God, tell me, show me, how much do men really need you. Tell me, what its' like to give 100% and recieve 100%. Show me what might be the cause of my misery. Thank you God, in jesus name, Amen.

2009-04-14T00:58:00.002+08:00

New blogskin.. Makes up for the one that didnt suit me I guess..

Watched shinjuku incident with my brothers today. Oh yeah seems Jackie Chan can never acting as a real bad guy.

Ok here comes the more interesting parts alright?
Went for the healing rally at Singapore Indoor Stadium where the famous Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke preached the good news, as well as prayed for the sick. Zooming in on the event, I learnt many valuable lessons from this particular evangelist.
Psalm 124:7-8

⁷ We have escaped like a bird
out of the fowler's snare;
the snare has been broken,
and we have escaped.

⁸ Our help is in the name of the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

An evangelist should believe that Heaven is meant for each and every soul existing in this world, and Hell only for demons of the devil Satan. It is an evangelists' passion to spread the Gospel to all corners of the earth.
The preacher used an illustration of a Cage full of birds, and the Cage was named the Cage of sin. There were 2 types of birds.
#1 Those born in the cage.
#2 Those who were captured outside and put into the cage.
Let me elaborate more on the first type of birds. That of the birds born in the cage, are like those who have never tasted for themselves the Goodness of Christ. Remember when we were non-believers, when some point in time, we wondered to ourselves if that was all to life? These are the people who have never heard the truth of the Gospel, people who do not know what lies beyond the captivity of sin.
Hebrews 2:3
³how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him.
The second type of people are of those who have already known the truth, yet backslided from their commitment to the lord. Those are people who will never again find the joy and peace that resides in their heart until they come back to the presence of the lord.

Another example mentioned by the preacher was that of a rich Woman who entered into the scene whereby a preaching by a renown Evangelist and interrupted his teaching. The preacher, recognizing her, quickly interrupted his own teaching and began to change the topic. He said "One day, the devil, the world and jesus was auctioning for the soul of Lady Ann (the rich woman). So the auctioneer asked the devil. Satan! What do you offer for the Soul of lady ann? The devil replied that he offered her pleasures of this world, anything she dreamed of doing. So the auctioneer asked what satan would do on the day she dies. Satan replies and says that of course, he would take her together with him to the land of fire, to burn and pay for the penalty of her sins for eternity. The auctioneer proclaimed, "Satan! your offer is tempting, but you shall not have the soul of lady ann!" He turned to the world and asked, what the world would give for the soul of lady ann. The world offered properties, riches, fame, hollywood, all that the world could give. And the day she dies, these riches would not go with her to her grave, and she would suffer the penalty of her sins in hell. The auctioneer proclaims that the offer is high, but the world will not have the soul of lady ann. Finally, he turned to Jesus and asked him what he would give for the soul of lady ann. Jesus said that he would give his life, to pay for the penalty of her sins and offer her a brand new life, a life of peace and joy and contentment. The auctioneer asked jesus, what he would do with her soul on the day she dies. Jesus proclaims that he will bring her with him, to the heavens to spend an eternity in his holy kingdom to rule and reign with him. The auctioneer loudly says, "Jesus, your offer by far is the greatest and the highest, and thus you shall have the soul of lady ann" " Finishing his story, he turned to the lady saying "do you agree?" On that very same day, lady ann had come to know the love of Christ.
Through this simple story, we come to know that Jesus has paid the FULL price of our sins and opened the way to our salvation. God has the ability to open the cage we were once in and make us more than a conquerer. Once birds knocking against the metal bars of the cage, we can be free in the world of Jesus Christ, where all things are possible.
Once helpless and seemingly weak and frail people, God enters so that the weak can say I HAVE STRENGTH!
The question is,
Just how much will we surrender to God?

Let now the weak say I have strength.

Father in heaven,
I thank you today for the prescious lessons you have taught, and jesus who was crucufied on the cross for the sake of my own sins. I thank you for the blood that has cleansed my sins, and that erased the suffering i deserved. I bow down before you my king, in awe of what you have done, in captivity of your wonderous love. Father help me to be able to spread this gift to the nations, to the world so that we, once birds lost in that cage can be strong in you again, and we, whose birthright is to rule over this earth, has the power in you to do so once again. Father equip me and guide me, in Jesus name i pray, Amen

2009-04-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

Been some time since i last blogged.. or was it..? Well cant say I'm doing well in the new group. You know, things always are complicated that's why we grow. Through all the problems i face, there is only one thing that is keeping me alive. That is my faith in the truth. Now we all know that God is always with us, seeing us through our valleys. That's a truth, but here's the thing: How many times have we failed to seek God first when we come across a new problem? Eg. Bus arrival issues. (Do we pray for the bus to come soon, or do we turn to our m1 provider to tell us when it comes?) Of course, these are just small issues. When was the last time we remained in our doubt instead of seeking God for the solution? Sheep as we are, God has shown that he is patient. He is there all along, we know it, but we refuse to acknowledge that he is sovereign sometimes, don't we? We lose sight of the savior who is there with us all along, and end up bitter crying out for mercy and for an answer. Have we also forgotten to thank God for what he has done, or have we taken for granted Jesus' death on the cross? When was the last time we thanked God? Now compare it to the last time we whinned to God. I too struggle in this area whereby i have to constantly remind myself of what Jesus has done on the cross so that i will not take it for granted. It's hard.. very..
We whine sometimes also about why things arent going the way we hope, but we never sought Gods' permission or guidance in the first place. Through every valley, there are a few things we need to do to keep us alive by the end of the race.
#1 Giving Thanks to God
#2 Putting our faith in Gods' divine guidance
#3 Putting First Gods' kingdom.

It's not that i dont struggle with these issues. I'm telling you guys these because i struggle with them. So keep me accountable!

Take You Back - Jeremy Camp

The reason why I stand
The answer lies in you
You hung to make me strong
Tho my praise was few
When I fall I bring your name down

But I have found in you
A heart that bleeds
Forgiveness replacing all these thoughts of painful memories
And I know your response will always be

Chorus:
I'll take you back always
Even when your fight is over now
I'll take you back
Even when the pain is coming through
I'll take you back

You satisfy this cry of what I'm
looking for And I'll take all I can
and lay it down before
The throne of endless grace now
that radiates what's true
I'm in the only place that erases
all these faults that have overtaken me and
I know that your response will always be

(Chorus)

I can only speak with a graceful heart
As I'm pierced by this gift of your love
I will always bring an offering
I can never thank you enough

You take me back always
Even when my fight is over now
You take me back
Even when the pain is coming through
You take me back

Father in Heaven,
Thank you for what you have done on the cross 2000 years ago. Help me to be reminded of the cross wherever i go. I pray that by your grace, I will be made right with you, whatever that is in me which is not pleasing to your sight. Let my flaws be made known to me and let the divine exchange commence between me and you. Fill in where I lack, for I yearn to be a living perfect example of your perfect love and grace. Help me to live life to the fullest, and guide me in the way you guided the heroes of the bible. I repent of my sins today and ask only for your forgiveness. By the blood of Jesus, may my wretched soul be renewed in you again. Thank you my savior, in Jesus name, Amen

Your Name High

2009-03-29T21:41:00.002+08:00

Your innocence forsaken
Upon that cross
You gave yourself for us
Carried into your freedom
Our broken past replaced in
A second chance
The chains have come undone
Death defied in the Father's love

We are
Living to make Your name high
Jesus
Living to make Your name high
Jesus you
Gave what the world couldn't offer us
Say what they want
Say what they want
We are free

The atmosphere is changing
Oh can You hear the people rising up
In the hope of your freedom
Our former ways are breaking
We seek your face God let your kingdom come
In our praises be
Lifted high

With eyes on high we praise you
And with one voice we come together
Our one desire to praise you
And lift you up in our surrender

With eyes on high we praise you
And with one voice we come together
Our one desire to praise you

Is this really the song from our own heart? As i sang the song, i couldn't help but to feel guilty that i haven't been always living this way.
As i sang this in service, i felt a great relief in my heart. God kinda alleviated my suffering from fever. It reminded me of the importance of singing to God with all our heart. It's not just for his pleasure alone, but it kinda also serves as a reminder for us that God loves us. As we sing the lyrics from the bottom of our hearts, we are reminded that God is with us, regardless of rain or shine, life or death, stagnant or moving. God is there and will always be there. Now now, shouldn't we be enjoying P n W? Its not about the atmosphere, not about the worship leader, not even about the instruments. Its about you, and God. There is no power in the lyrics, just what is going on between you and God.

2009-03-28T14:32:00.002+08:00

Our Hope Endures

You would think only so much can go wrong
Calamity only strikes once
And you assume this one has suffered her share
Life will be kinder from here
Oh, but sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

How do we comprehend peace within pain?
Or joy at a good man's wake?
Walk a mile with the woman whose body is torn
From illness, but she marches on.
Oh, 'cause sometimes the sun stays hidden for years
Sometimes the sky rains night after night
When will it clear?

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Emmanuel, God is with us
El Shaddai, all sufficient
We never walk alone
And this is our hope

But our Hope endures the worst of conditions
It's more than our optimism
Let the earth quake
Our Hope is unchanged

Doesnt this song remind us of what kind of horrors the world out there are facing? Lies, deceit, pain, death, loss of a family member, sickness, insecurity, etc. Here we are, enjoying the security God has provided, and the endless praises we give to God. Sometimes we forget what is out there. Have we really served God hard enough? Or are we just merely praising, worshipping, doing our own quiet time and is that all to our christian life? We take our extra time to evangelise on the un-believers and sometimes find them a pain in the butt. Isnt that true? Pioneering is difficult, and sometimes can suck the life out of you. People do not only reject you, but they mock your faith in Christ. You are hurt and you decide to give up. Has that happened to us? Or has it unknowingly?
God calls his people to complete the great commission. This task is not just another task. Listen people. At the end of the day, what happens here is a mere preparation for eternity. You have but just an average of 70 years here? And tell me, which part of you do you think you are worthy of praise? Which part of you do you think you deserve Gods' praises? This is not just a task. Its' a privilege. God has called you to do Gods' work. Dont you feel special? Its a battle against the dark forces of this world. A battle of life and death. We have to put on the best armor we can get, and the sharpest sword we can get. The undying commitment to our savior, Christ Jesus, is the only thing that is of worth.

Im down with a weird sickness today.. It really sucks. I could'nt go for X2 meeting thanks to it. I had to go to the washroom for like 5-6 times yesterday. It didnt make sense. I didnt eat anything stupid. Anyway, i feel really weak now. I just pray that i will be able to go for service later.

Father in Heaven,
May you heal this wretched world of its plague, and flood us with your love. I pray that today, you will put in me a undying passion for your name to be spread throughout this world. I pray also that you will heal me of this weird sickness and give me the strength to fight on. Thank you Jesus. In your name i pray, Amen

2009-03-25T21:36:00.004+08:00

Just come photos from camp =D

Hey what ye lookin at? RawrGroup Photo
Dumb posers LolMe and andrew!
Me and David
The girls GroupOf course, the guys

Then the Guys and the girls..
Thats all for today kids!

2009-03-09T22:02:00.002+08:00

Lol bought a new basketball today and it looks like...
Molten GE (size 7)

That costed me another $40, which created a hole in my wallet. Speaking of basketball, it reminded me of the match i played with the china men yesterday. Dang those rough guys.. My defender smacked me hard in the face instead of the ball just to prevent my lay up. What the heck? He doesnt even feel guilty enough to just apologize. Thanks for the flagrant foul, moron. Cant understand why people just cant be nice to the people they dont know, much more to those they know. This level of roughness would only pick up a fight elsewhere. Uh drop that. I decided not to play with those geeks ever again, till the day I become a better basketball player. Okay but seems my teammates had alot of fun playing with those "uncivilised" china guys. One guy had alot of fun making three pointers like nobodys' business, another had alot of fun taking it to the hoop slowly but steadily, and dribbling in a way they had no better defence to counter.
I need to get better >.<

2009-03-09T03:42:00.003+08:00

Wow you must be wondering what im doing up so late at night!
Was just talking to an old friend of mine, whom i didnt talk to for almost 2 years, just about the time of my conversion. She was asking me if I had a girlfriend again, and obviously you guys know i was single for 2 years now. What really filled in that gap in my heart? It was no new age mumbo jumbo, or some new website, girlfriend, and not any other sports club or drama series. Before I move on, I'd just make a quick recap on what kind of person i was before my conversion.
#1 I was hot-tempered (many can testify for that)
#2 I loved to spam the **** word.
#3 I loved to boast
#4 I had a very bad attitude towards people
#5 I was an introvert

Of course, many other negative things about me. Who would say amen that im a pretty decent nice guy now? (Ugh provided if anyone still reads this blog and bothers to tag that is.) I was man just existing on this earth, hoping to make a mark behind that even after i perish, i shall not be forgotten. I lived in fear everday, thinking that tomorrow will never come again, and I so desperately sought love in relationships,that it might fill in that empty hole in my heart. A soul wandering in this wretched world, searching for the light that will light up the path before me. I found true love on the faithful day of 16 december 2006.
Men and women have struggled against the search for true love for many generations, through relationships. Many ended up in countless heart-wrenching relationships that did not quite go the way they hoped. Innocent lives were taken in abortion due to unplanned marriage and the filty minds of the people in this wretched land. Everyone is desperately searching for the same love that will fill that hole in our heart. It is like a hole that only one specific key can fill. Only one specific key can break the chains that bind us to the endless persuit of love. It is impossible to find true love in the things of this world. No man or woman can offer true love, security and no-one belongs to a fairy tale. What is placed in front of our faces are masks that hide our true identity, our true flawed and bloodied souls shouldering much burden and suffering. We seek true acceptance and we often find ourselves insecure. What will he think of me? We abide by a set of rules and become somebody else in the process, just to fit the criteria of being "normal" or "acceptable". We fail to realize that we've only been going around in circles in the persuit of true love. Nothing of this world is perfect thats why nothing can satisfy us. Wake up? Life is not a fairy tale.
This is, however, where it gets interesting. 2000 years ago, christ Jesus died on the cross, and demostrated true love on that very day. Man was given a second chance.
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
The devil blinds us from knowing the truth, but whoever is in the truth and acknoledges the truth will have eternal life. The truth that Jesus had died on the cross to pay for our sins, and showed us not only what is installed for us for eternity, but offers to walk with us everyday for the rest of our lives. Man has found true love and acceptance, from the one God that never failed to love his people. God is love. God is the origin of love. For God did not strike us dead because we have sinned against him, and instead offered us a second chance by the death of Christ Jesus, whoose blood has cleansed our wretched souls and this land of despair.
I was skeptical at first when i first came across this God thing. Today, ill gladly and loudly proclaim i have never regretted my decision of commiting my life to the Lord. He has truely given me security. With that, I can be myself again. I can shout all i want, sing all i want, and loudly proclaim how wonderful this feeling is. God has redeemed us. God is our true love.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

This is security. God has promised that in every situation, he will shut doors none can open and open doors none can shut. In Christ we know that he is in control of every situation. We cant screw up so bad we have to give up on life.
This is love. Unconditional love of our saviour, lord Jesus Christ.

Will we still stay silent?

A new chapter, a new phase of life.

2009-03-08T11:40:00.003+08:00

Bye bye to youth, hello to tertiary.
Had my first polydins service yesterday, and sadly, English vocabulary is so limited it cannot express the amount of joy I experienced in this new group. The people there were just awesome man! They made the new transfers a card to welcome us. Ill post up a pic if i could =[. Well, service was no different from the youth services i had. Praise and Worship as crazy as ever, teachings as meaningful as ever, everything else was done the same. You still hear screamos during the announcements too! HAAHA we don't grow up we just grow old. KIDDING.
Went to some welcoming thinggy at SMU after the service. Man we played some fun games that included this game of whacko that required us to stuff 3 grapes into our mouths >.<. So we had to call names with those smelly grapes in our mouths. Wha after the whole game they were so hot it was disgusting. Lol we had praise there and ofc.. Had alot of fun disturbing our caretakers and new CL.
Uh.. Forgot to mention.. Braynard is in my CG so obviously the cg wont get boring. (Hes retarded. Hur hur) He was acting german and cheena and idk. We were like laughing our way to SMU. Haha well.. Thats all for today. Got to know alot of new nice friends and yeah. Gonna update you guys soon!

Father in heaven,
I thank you for the wonderful blessings you have brought us, the great joy and time of laughter. As the new graduates from the youth embark on their journey in the poly group, i pray that they will find the purpose you have for them, your plan to prosper them and not to harm them. As we walk into the new phase of life, I pray that the things we have experienced in youth will be brought here as well, to bless the group and to advance the kingdom, whenever and wherever we go. I pray for the evaxing during the enrollment this Tuesday to Thursday, a fruitful one as your people will be sharing the good news of salvation to the ones of this broken world. May your will be done. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Bad day.

2009-03-05T23:11:00.002+08:00

The struggle has ended, but I find myself indulging in a un-godly life. The lack of connection, loss of transmission/frequency to the word, to God himself. I live each day just waiting for the clock to tick, for each second to pass, hoping it would pass by faster. I played computer games, played basketball, played xbox, did physical training, all just to fill in that empty hole Christ once filled. Am i getting bored of God? How much do i really know him? I dont know.
Today, I was just on my bed, blasting some loud shit in my ear and i didnt hear the damn thunder. Bro came home and gave me a good old trashing about me not hearing the thunder and rain, and apparently "forgot" to close the windows. I told him I was blasting some loud music shit in my ear and he just refused to acknoledge the fact that YES, i was just oblivious to what has happened. He only cared if his bed was wet and yes instead of the rain being the cause, it became the poor me. How long will this internal battle at home last? Just don't act like your the only one who knows how to be angry. As much as you are angry with me, I am with you. So stop trying to be the asshole.
Is there even a use praying about it and acting like someone I aren't? I try hard to potray a good image of Christ so that I might not tarnish it. What is all that for? That whatever crown im gonna get when i get to heaven? Forget it. I'd rather be myself. Give me a reason Jesus. You who had me to go through so much without a reason. You who refused to grant me the answers I wanted. Is this the life you wanted for me? To serve you with bitterness for an eternity? Give me a reason to serve you. Don't just tell me you are good or whatever. Show me.
I served hard the past year(except for the final few months ofc). I prayed and fasted in hope that at least a pathetic soul in this wretched world would be "saved". I preached the word according to your will and built strong disciples now chasing your heart, i believe, at least a thousand times more enthusiastic than I am for you today. Your the reason I tried, and I demand nothing less than an answer for this mess. What was all that outreaching and teaching for? I wanted to be a light in this world. But I realized today, im not born a hero. No matter how hard i tried, it would'nt work. Serving you is just so hard. I try to smile and try to act like nothing matters. Just merely trying is sucking up all my life.
What really, is of eternal value? What is faith? To what measure of faith do i need to serve you? Is merely trusting you not enough? Give me an answer. I studied hard, all for the cause of glorifying your name and being a living testimony. But all that to get a below average result? You are'nt showing yourself at all, and im not satisfied with that.

Am I not a human? I am..

2009-02-20T12:32:00.004+08:00

Over the past few months, my desperate struggle against the search for proof to the existence of Christ has ended officially today. I have only come to realize I am only just plain foolish to doubt the existence of Christ due to a moment of failure. (I've elaborated on that on my last few posts im sure)
http://ablaze.org.au/torchie/?p=50
The only thing I am still unsure of is the fate that landed on me. The amount of effort I had placed in the construction of the kingdom. The time I had decided to give up my life for the sake of the Gospel. I was dead serious, at the same time I had been removed from leadership without a reason. God promised that my path would have been a victorious one, and he would lead me to serve him in greater amounts and heights. All I thought of was the very vision God has given to me years back even before I became a leader, that was the endless flow of a generation of strong and biblical Men walking into SSS, with their countless disappointments as well as victories and testimonies that prove the existence of Christ in their lives. The dream had been almost impossible to me now. I have wasted the past few months doubting God and living an ungodly life, thinking it was God who owed me something. I was wrong. Obviously, God does not owe us anything. Anything he decides to do to us, is for us, not against us. Hey if God loved to play with our feelings, whats the difference between God and Bird?
The dreams that I have dreamt of, the conviction I had that was once God, I only hope had not been a waste of time. The generation of men I have built and the conviction I have left behind, I only hope had not been a futile effort.
Focused on what is to come, focused on that very thing that will be of growth and not of harm.
Sorry and thank you, my dear friend.

Father in Heaven,
I believe it has seemed like an eternity since I had prayed. Again, I am lost in the wonder of your amazing love. The kind of love you offer to people who even betray or are against you. The wonder of your amazing grace that softens the hardest hearts. Your word that pierces through the hardest hearts, that decide to bless us, is the light the world. The world does not need another guy that will do something that might get him into the Guinness Book of World Records, but the world just plainly needs your love. Your love that will satisfy their hunger, their desire for love and acceptance. Their desire to be themselves instead of acting like somebody else to gain approval. Thank you God that your still here.

2009-02-07T22:58:00.002+08:00

Talk to me Talk to me Talk to me Talk to me please...
This feeling.. This living hell. Only you can pull me out of it. You, the one who promised security, assurance, victory. Only you can fulfill your promise.
Did I not make an oath to serve you for the rest of the days of my life? Did I not give you my life for your will? Did I not give it all for the sake of the kingdom? Have you abandoned me?
I do not dare to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Your rod and your staff, they're gone. I have fallen prey to my many enemies. The shadow of death lingers upon my path. Here I am fallen, unable to stand up due to my own stupidity and inability. But you my shepherd, is the only one who is able to pick me up. Don't leave me. You know I can't live without you..
I can't feel you there. Perhaps it is me that have been blinded?

No sleep
No sleep until I am done with finding the answer
Won't stop
Won't stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into their slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanna stay and wait for a wonder

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circles, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me heal me, come take me higher

I've been watching
I've been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I've been searching
I've been living
For tomorrows all my life
I've been watching
I've been waiting
I've been searching
I've been living for tomorrows

In the shadows

In the shadows
I've been waiting

2009-02-03T22:12:00.002+08:00

Do not be disappointed people, I have not been walking closely with God these days. Honestly, its' been a few weeks already since this spiritual dryness and internal struggle began. Yes, I've been trapped in my own double helix again. Someone help?
I didn't feel like going to service, going for sermons, having spiritual conversations, getting closer to God, talk about God, or even to evangelize. Where did the fiery passion I once had disappear to? I do not know. All I know is I have not been shepherded for months and I have not been doing my QT for weeks. Yes I really feel dry. I do not have a fixed school to evangelize on, a fixed shepherd, or even a caregroup to begin with. All these minor things all stacked up to form something so major that stopped me from moving ahead. Ever since I was transferred to the graduates group, I told myself, this is a period of growth, I gotta stick it through and I gotta pass on whatever leadership skill with the experience I had to the earlier generation. I told myself, though im no longer a leader, I am still a centralite, who should carry out his duties as a person who should do something for central with the last few months I have in central. I soon realized there was only 5 people in the new group. Me, stephanie, Timothy, Wei Ting, Dennis and Aaron. Aaron left soon after. As we were too small, we combined with the central E graduates, who consisted of Jon yeo, Calvin, Joshua Wu, Zi Kang and Brian. Soon after, Wei Ting transferred to the tertiary service.
Camp drew near. I was excited, dying for a breakthrough. But camp became a time I had with myself, struggling against my somewhat negative thoughts. I was transferred to central E for good, leaving behind nothing, but only a newly formed central B1 who was led by Reynard and consisted of only Quan Kai, Jian Fu, Jin Min, Keiji and dylan. It was my blood I poured out to the group, in which I was ready to throw away my future ( o levels ) to lead well and to see Gods' kingdom come. It never came true. Now, i ended up with a screwed up o level score, leaving me no choice but to go to Republic Polytechnic, which is at least an hour away. My dear sheep Timothy began to miss camp and service more often. I didn't want to lose faith. I believed God had his reasons. After the leadership conference in Hong Kong in september, I came back telling myself I was gonna go all out. I was gonna make sure it was time I grew and led to Gods' standard. That never came true. I was pulled out to the grads group soon after. All i left behind was probably a principal they will never forget, "relationship with God matters". I hope it still is there. At least all that time I spent, all that effort, all that blood did stir up something.
In my new unit, I struggled to know the people and to get used to its' culture. It was tiring and difficult. My group began to shrink recently. Brian, Joshua Wu, Jon Yeo, Stephanie and Timothy left for their respective JC groups. Disheartening. What's left is a messed up bunch of fresh graduates, which consisted of Calvin, Zi Kang, Joel loi, Dennis and me. I was unsure of where i really belonged. This group wasn't even called a group by itself. It was a SUB group which had no leader. During my stay in the new group, I spent time trying to stir some things but ultimately failed to do so and ended up in my miserable state now.
Contradictingly, i hated God. I knew it was impossible for me to REALLY hate God, but I was really angry. The more i wanted to serve, the more these small mountains came along, which piled up to become really huge obstacles. I don't even know what school im pioneering, who really is my shepherd, and what my role is. All i know is that i have 2 months left here, and im not doing anything yet. Somebody help?

2009-01-25T01:14:00.002+08:00

The power of your name
Surely children weren't made for the streets
And fathers were not made to leave
Surely this isn't how it should be
Let Your Kingdom come
Surely nations were not made for war
Or the broken meant to be ignored
Surely this just can't be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come
Here in my heart

I will live
To carry your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
I will give
With the life that I'd been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your Name

Surely life wasn't made to regret
And the lost were not made to forget
Surely faith without action is dead
Let Your Kingdom come
Lord break this heart

I will live
To carry your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
I will give
With the life that I'd been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your Name

Your Name
Is a shelter for the hurting
Jesus Your Name
Is a refuge for the weak
Only Your Name
Can redeem the undeserving
Jesus Your Name
Holds everything I need

I will live
To carry your compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
I will give
With the life that I'd been given
And go beyond religion
To see the world be changed
By the power of Your Name

Second chance
You called my name
Reached out Your hand
Restored my life
And I was redeemed
The moment You entered my life

Amazing grace
Christ gave that day
My life was changed
When from my shoulders
Fell the weight of my sin

So it’s with everything I am
I reach out for Your hand
The hope for change
The second chance I’ve gained

On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist

Consume my thoughts
As I rest in You
I’m now in love
With a Savior
Bearing the marks of His love

So I’ll wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith’s enough
To see mountains lift and move

And I’ll wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails

You are here
Verse 1:
there's is a love that I know
Strength for the weak and broken heart
Our shepherd and king
I found you within me
For you are here

Verse 2:
Carried the cross for the world
....
Our shepherd and king
I found You within me
For You are here
Our Lord for ever
You are here

Chorus:
In this place You are here
By Your mercy...
In my heart take your place
You are here

Verse 3:
.......
Your glory is.......the universe
Our shepherd and King
I found You within me
For You are here
My Lord for ever
You are here
(Chorus)
The same power
That conquered the grave
Lives in me, lives in me
Your love
That rescued the earth
Lives in me, lives in me

2009-01-21T20:57:00.003+08:00

Amazing how Christians can bow down and proclaim God is amazing, God is good, God is almighty, and then hate him when he places you in a situation you deem unfavorable. Amazing how one day we choose to make a covenant with God to walk closely with him, and one day ditch him as if he never was good in our lives. Amazing how we choose to focus on the problems that lie before us instead of the big God that is the solution to every situation.
Who of us have fallen into these traps the devil has set up for us? We desperately seek God and expect a "WOW" factor every time, asking for God to just touch us more and we just demand for him to speak to us or we will become emotional and mentally unstable for awhile. We so desperately want to hear the voice of God, that we forgot that God is not slow in speaking to us. In fact God longs to speak to us every second of our existence. God wants to direct us, lead us, and guide us to the right path, not ditch us, and in his throne, pretend not to hear the desperate cries of our hearts. The more we desperately want to seek God, the more we NEED to search ourselves for hidden sins and pride. We as human beings, imperfect beings, sinners who totally do not deserve the intimate relationship of God AT ALL, can still whine about such insignificant things like; "Life sucks... Why God? Why give me such troubles?", or like; "Why God? Why doesn't it work out? But i did it for your names' sake!" Seldom do we slow down to ruminate and think about what is really going on. Is it true that at that moment of time God loved us less, or is it true that God was Good and is not so Good anymore? If Christianity was a bed of roses, if God did not play hide and seek with us, Christianity will become a comfort zone, where people accept Christ for the sake of making their lives easy. We tend to blame God when we do badly for our end of year examinations. We tend to blame God when we fail to experience him and we fail to get touched by him. We blame God when we so desperately seek him and yet fail to find his voice. And when is the time we stopped to reflect and think about our pride, our lust, our self-centered nature, our self-sufficiency, greed, anger? We are too selfish to think about what God really wants for us. We take God as a money tree and as and when we like it, we would activate it and blessing will fall upon our lives.
Do not ever forget my friends, the living and intimate relationship with God is what really matters. It is not all about ministry, being a salt and light, scoring straight As for your a levels, because the love of God extends beyond and is far too complex for such nifty things. God loves us. To what extent? To the extent of the cross, which offered us more than just fulfilling lives, but FULL and ETERNAL life. The living relationship with God is not about how many times we go to service, how many times we pray for others, how many times we say we love God, but it is a daily walk with the savior, who guides our footsteps and shines his light in this world of darkness to light the path beyond, which we cannot see.
The UNCONDITIONAL love of God is something we will take a lifetime to understand, and an instance to believe.
God loves us plainly because we are his creation, his children, and he shows us the extent of the love when he died on the cross for us. That my friends, is God. Who is God to us? A money tree? or a friend? Your pick.

Will we pass the test of faith? Or will we fall to the devils' trap? Don't just blame the devil. Ask yourself, do some soul searching.

Father in Heaven,
Help me to love you more and more each and every day of this life. Help me to overcome this period of transition, which i believe will cause much growth in my life, as well as breakthroughs. I do not pray for miracles, not for things of this physical world, but lord, all i really want is you. I can lose anything else in this world. Anything and everything. But one thing i am certain, is that I cannot lose you. You are far more precious than any diamond ring, any other friend on this earth. You are the only one who died for me, and the only one who loves me unconditionally. To walk with you is my honor, and to serve you is a privilege. Your a friend one would die to have and fight to keep. You are the lord of the most high. Help me to keep a close relationship with you. Help me to become more like you God. The world can turn their backs on me for all i care, but you God, is who i really treasure. Without you, there is no life. Thank you God, for Jesus' death on the cross, which showed the world your amazing grace and love. Thank you for the miracles you have done in my life. Thank you for still loving me after seeing the depths of my sinful heart. Thank you God. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

2009-01-13T01:41:00.002+08:00

Ha-ha did really really badly for my o levels this time round. 2 X of what i expected it to turn out. A-maths was fine though. Got b4. The rest just sucked bad. Anyway, i managed to just barely "qualify" for games and design which i have some interest, over at SP. The results does suck, but i guess I'm fine really. I can proudly proclaim I did my best and these are God's results for me. Man what can you expect from someone who scored 36-40 for his prelims? 22 is a breakthrough already! Not much time to blog anyways so Im just gonna stop around here for now.

Tasks for tmr:
Decide which path I wana take.
Chill out big time.

Just wana end off as usual, with a prayer.

Father in heaven,
I pray that these are the results you want me to have, and that whatever course or route i take will be in your will, according to your good, pleasing and perfect will. Lord i thank you for these results, for if not, i would end up nowhere at all. Thank you for loving me the way I am, even as you see the depths of my heart, you love me the same. Thank you God. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

2009-01-11T22:55:00.002+08:00

Today's the day that you have made,
I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Tomorrow is the day I worked hard for,
Its' results lies in the hands of my savior.

The release of the GCE"o" levels is tomorrow! And yes, im very very very nervous. I'm afraid to sleep because i know ill dream of it. Crap.. Haven't cut my hair or dyed it black. Hope it doesn't matter.

Father in Heaven,
The day of the result of the one month of dependency lies near. I have worked hard, kept the faith, and have put all my faith in my savior, the one who is the lord most high. Father I just pray that you will ease my worries tomorrow with a result that you have prepared for me, and lord, BLESS ME!!! In jesus name, Amen.

2008-12-28T03:24:00.002+08:00

Ha-ha i wonder if anyone still reads this blog. Well sorry man.. I haven't been faithfully blogging as i have been caught up with some stuff that made me too lazy or too speechless to blog about anything.
Looking back, my spiritual life had been full of exciting stuff. I can see how God is molding me more and more Christ-like. What lies ahead of me is an unpredictable path, filled with challenges and the road is narrow. I will walk on the narrow path God has provided for me. Many times I shall fall, but many times I will emerge stronger. Today, what I stand on is new grounds. New faces, new people, new environment, new breakthroughs. May the Lord guide me in my new group! It's been a pleasure serving the Lord faithfully for these 2 years. Many times I lacked the confidence to take on new roles, but that was not even a quarter the amount of the number of times God reassured me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I have earnt the respect of the new group, and I hope to be a person of influence to guide the people to the promised land. Thank God for the gifts he has given me!
Remember guys.. How i used to be? The man who used to shout vulgarities, curse and swear at people I "hated"? The man who used to threaten, hurt others, accuse others, find fault, have low self-esteem, sought twisted pleasures to satisfy my sick mind? Remember who I was. Remember how people used to shun me. I was timid, lonely, boring, yet God chose me to be a shepherd of his flock. God focused on what I could do, not what I have done. That, my dear friends, is the same grace God has given each and every single one of you. The unconditional love that is bestowed upon our sinful lives. None of us deserves to go to heaven. 10 good deeds and 1 sin does not make you perfect. 1000 Good deeds and 1 sin does not make you perfect, either. What grace has God so lovingly given to us, that we as sinners could rule and reign with the perfect God? What amazing grace!
I believe this is a similar testimony to most of the believers out there. We used to live an empty life. We wonder if we will die tomorrow. We wonder, if our Good deeds out-do the bad ones. We wonder if this is all to life, we wonder if there was more. The answer is in Christ.

Today, let our hearts be broken. Let our hearts burn with a fire that will never burn out. Let our hearts desperately seek the Lord, every second of our life. With every breath, we live to serve the Lord. Don't waste time! We already spend 1/3 of our lives sleeping! The Gospel has to spread. It must spread like wild fire, like a great flood over the earth. Let forceful men take hold of the great commission. Let our hearts be broken! The world is too small for such a big God not to be known! Man! What can be worth more than the kingdom that will last forever?

Don't tell God I can't, but I can, for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Stop doing whatever thing that does not benefit, for If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. - 1 peter 4:11- God can use anyone. God can use a donkey, what more you?

Father in Heaven,
I pray today that you will strengthen and renew me of my purpose and commitment. I pray for the lost souls that needs to hear the good news of the Gospel. I pray for the young and the old, the people who so desperately seek love and all they find are empty shells. Father I pray that you use me to strengthen your kingdom, not with my skills, but with my body, which I offer as a living sacrifice to your great kingdom. I thank you for the amazing love and grace you have shown me. I thank you for these great friends. I pray that as I step into new grounds, may you strengthen me and mold me into the kind of person you want me to be. Not my will, but yours be done. I will make an oath, an oath of allegiance with you, an oath to keep faithful for the sake of the gospel, for the sake of the faithful God. I just wana tell you God, I love you. Alot. I look forward to an exciting journey with you, a journey i will never forget. Amen.

2008-12-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

The same power that conquered the grave
Lives in me, Lives in me
Your love that rescued the earth
Lives in me, lives in me

2008-12-05T23:35:00.003+08:00

Indescribable

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea 
Creation's revealing Your majesty  
From the colors of Fall to the fragrance of Spring 
Every creature unique in the song that it sings, all exclaiming 

Indescribable,   uncontainable,  
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name 
You are amazing, God 

All powerful,   un-tameable, 
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim 
You are amazing, God     You are amazing, God 

Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go 
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow  
Who imagined the Sun and gives source to its light 
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night, none can fathom 



Indescribable,   uncontainable, 
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name 
You are amazing, God 
All powerful,   un-tameable, 
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim 
You are amazing, God     You are amazing, God          

Indescribable,   uncontainable,  
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name 
You are amazing, God 

Incomparable,   unchangeable, 
You see the depths of my heart and you love me the same 
You are amazing God

And so, I lost every single cent that existed in my wallet today, including all the coins. Despite having my wallet placed in a way it would be hard for anyone to steal, my money is all lost. Who ever did this, bear this in mind for the rest of your life. The money was meant to pay for someone else's camp. If you happen to read this, you can choose to keep the money or return it it is up to you, but all is forgiven. Jesus loves you. =)
Can i still trust putting my stuff un-attended, leaving it at the mercy of your surveillance along with your bags brothers? Or do i have to cling unto it tightly and never let go?

You are, O God, the
rest of the weary
Joy of the sad
hope of the dreary
light of the glad
May rest and joy and hope and light
be your gifts to me
Amen

Father in heaven,
Thank you for today, thank you for the courage you gave me, the wisdom to teach your word, and the diligence to prepare it. Thank you for your strength, but today although i have experienced a little loss, I seek forgiveness for the person who have caused such harm unto me, and I pray that you will have mercy on him, for he does not know what he has done. Thank you God, for the mercy and grace you have shown unto me. I trust that you will provide. Thank you. In Jesus name, Amen.

2008-12-04T23:55:00.003+08:00

All my days and all my hours
All my will and all my powers
All the passion of my soul
Not a fragment, but a whole
Shall be Thine, dear Lord

Grant me, O God
energy for the day
Sleep for the night
rest for body and mind
renewal for heart and soul
Then shall I be ready
to serve you again
a day at a time
Through Jesus Christ, our Lord
Amen

Ha-ha i understand that this blog has been dead for quite a while. I'm back blogging I guess.. (If i have time and something to blog about that is)
Just back from Plaza Singapura after catching the movie, Bolt. Well I hate to admit it but yes, I went all the way out of my comfortable house to PS just to watch it with Quan Kai and Chermaine. Well.. Its a pretty Good show over-all, well worth the penny.
Been feeling a little dry ever since last week. Had a good talk with Joshua yesterday. We hung out all the way till like 4am at the park near my house as we chatted about our walk with God and some other random stuff. Talked about why I was so involved in Church. We were both Christians, and we definately had a good talk as we learnt much. I noticed one distinct differences between Hope and New Creation Church.
#1 YHope consists of people less independent, people more welcoming and friendly. (Not that people from NC are not friendly at all)
I guess.. We really have to learn to mingle more and be more sociable. Its the relationship between fellow christians that attract people to God anyway right? A church ceases to exist when the church ceases to love. Something that greatly attracts non-believers to God is of course, LOVE. For love, Jesus came. For the very reason, Jesus died on the cross. I was reminded of a very valuable scripture:" Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than this. " I realized how I lacked love during the days I was serving as a care leader. I was clear of my goals, how I was gonna get the group to move, but i definately forgot to encourage them and feed them spiritual food. Well the time I have in the Grads group definately makes me more effective. I could be a good support and mentor to train new leaders and have them to learn from my mistakes. Well.. Thats prolly the last thing i can ever do for this group where I can only leave a trace of Gods' goodness and grace. I want to leave behind something, before it is too late.
So give me Oh god, the strength for the day, that i may serve you better with all i can. Give me the passion to want to learn. The urge to want to change, the urge to repent with every trace of sin in my life. Grant me the will to go to the ends of the earth just to be with you God. Give me the desire to want to serve and build the kingdom of God. Amen

2008-11-19T14:20:00.003+08:00

I'm out of Clm.
The feeling is as if i just broke up with someone. It feels bad.
Spent a few days dwelling on it, thinking what might have gone wrong, or what I could do to influence again.
God told me to take a rest. Indeed, leading had been tiring and exhausting, but it made me realize how much effort you need to put in to inspire someone. A bucket of blood poured in a drop of inspiration.
Still, i cant help but think about it too much. When i visited the central Blog, I was thinking of how the people benefited from the prophesy and prayer given by peter truong, and im just so envious of the cls then. I have to get over it soon i know.
To reynard:
Good job on finally becoming a CL and taking over the roles I used to take, but there is'nt much time for rejoicing! The time for hard work and even more learning is about to take place. A time of great pain and joy is going to surge within your body. Good luck and God be with you in your new journey.
Affirmations for the rest in the next post.. Got to go..

2008-11-12T21:35:00.002+08:00

Currently having mixed feelings.
Happy in a few ways, sad in many ways.
Happy that tomorrow is the last day of o levels, happy for others that for some of them today is the last, happy that tomorrow is class chalet, happy that i got a new phone, but sad that my Chemistry papers didnt really go smoothly today. I'm expecting to get like 20-25 out of 40 this time according to the answer sheet given by the teachers.
Had a quarrel with my mum just now. She saw my CLB paper 2.. >.<
She got so anxious over it... She began checking my answers written on the paper itself and began to pin-point out those who were wrong. She went like "This one wrong that one wrong, AIYO SO MANY WRONG"
I could'nt stand it till I started to talk back, "Cmon its just a clb paper. Even if i were to just pass or even fail, the worst thing that can happen is next time my boss would just talk to me in english. Whats the point in getting 90 for CLB and working so hard when 70 is already the point for merit? Just to show that I'm better than other people? Come on.. The paper is already over. Please stop doing that".
Her reply was like this, "What? I cant even check my own sons' paper? Its true 70 is the merit mark, but you told me CLB is so easy! Why cant you get 90 then? Why are you such a bad son?"

I refused to answer as i didnt see a point to.
I remembered a few weeks back, mum was nagging the heck out of me to study for my CLB paper. Can you believe it? STUDY FOR YOUR CLB PAPER. GOSH? I dont even study much for my english and shes asking me to study for CLB >.<. Its a total waste of time seriously. CLB is CLB for a reason. Its CLB cuz they want you to focus on the other subjects. Its CLB because they dont want you to worry about chinese.

If you ask me who gave me the most stress during the exam periods, I would say it's my mun. Her worrying so much makes me worry even more. And that totally spoils my mood to study at times. I want to tell her, that i'm 16 and im really grown up, but in her eyes, im always the little boy who cant take care of himself. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

The past month has been a month of spiritual dryness. I struggled very hard to do my job as a cl and as a believer. I struggled to do qt, struggled to pray regularly, and maintain the relationship i built with God. It was indeed a very tiring period for me.
Ministry very much depended on me. I realized that as I ceased to serve to my best, there were obvious defects eg. Conflicts, loss of direction. I realized that it was time to build someone able to take up the job or I would be leading forever. I hope that does'nt happen!

To the rest: CG08 is coming. Its' deadline draws as near as to 8 weeks. This is the last lap! CG08 can only be done within the next 8 weeks! What happens after, you decide. Will it be celebration, or grieve and regret?

2008-11-06T01:28:00.002+08:00

Psalm 109

Still
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover mewithin your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

Father in Heaven,
Thank you for the opportunities you have given me, thank you for the countless times you have listened to me in my distress, when i was persecuted by evil men. Lord i thank you for your love and death on the cross once again. Renew me in your power. In jesus name, Amen.

2008-11-03T22:36:00.001+08:00

Finally, most of the stressful papers are over. What lies ahead is a week of rest! (a.k.a boredom)
Hope to meet team camaraderie soon to settle some things. Exams has really tied me down and its time to give thanks to God after the hellish periods of the o level examinations. Thank God the exams weren't too hard.
Just back from an intense exercise. Floorball, then basketball, then floorball again. Sweating like mad now. Gonna train hard this holiday.. Thats probably all i can do to cure my boredom of months of holidays. Time to let that hair grow back too hehe. You guys must think im crazy haha.

Thank God for the 4 years in GESS. Got to know many friends, and the many memories that etches in my mind. Thank God for the persecution, the unreasonable people, the dumb, the wise, thank God who redeemed me from the land of the dead!
No more papers for the rest of the week! Today i wonder what lies ahead of me. What lies in the holidays that are about to come? Work, work, work? or Work ,God, Work? or even, God, God, God? I don't know. But im certain im using the rest of these holidays serving God with my all. With the money i earn, i am certain to use them to bless others. Thank God for the talents i have, thank God that he is able, and therefore I am able!

Will cg08 be completed? Just a few more to go.. JIAYOU man! We really need to do OUR BEST and BEYOND THAT, produce GODS' RESULTS. NOT OURS! Remember to humble ourselves, and always seek to do better. Yes today we do our best, but tomorrow we do even better because God is the standard. We do our best, but reap Gods' results when we do it together with God. Amen?

Each and everyday of my life, i feel closer to the land God has called me to. I feel closer and closer to the promised land where God has called me to scatter the seed. Heaven is calling me. Do you feel God knocking on the door of your heart, asking you to preach the gospel to the ends of the earth? Are you tuned in to Gods' channel? Will you accept his calling?

2008-10-29T19:24:00.002+08:00

Desperate People

You crossed the great divide, You took our place   
You offered up Your life though we have failed
the veil was torn and love remained  
You are holy Lord 

distraction costs us, how we seek Your face 
we offer up our lives to bring You praise 
a love the walls cannot contain 
You are holy Lord 

we're rising up in spirit and in truth  
a living sacrifice 
we worship You 
people undivided, Lord hear us sing   
we are Yours and You are our King 

this is our love 
hearts joined as one 
desperate for all You are 
Lord break down these walls 
and see how we love 
desperate for all You are 
we chase Your heart 


we didnt come to leave here entertained 
or worship under any other name 
we're crying out for You alone  
You are holy Lord 

we're rising up in spirit and in truth 
a living sacrifice 
we worship You 
people undivided, Lord hear us sing 
we are Yours and You are our King 

this is our love 
hearts joined as one 
desperate for all You are 
Lord break down these walls 
and see how we love  
desperate for all You are   
we chase Your heart 


show us the way to Your heart 

we found our voice 

we found our cause 

were on our knees, the carpet's worn 

we join our hearts

with distant shores and sing to You lord

 

this is our love 
hearts joined as one 
desperate for all You are  
Lord break down these walls 
and see how we love 
desperate for all You are  
we chase Your heart

Is this it? Is that the best God could do? I have come to realize today, that God can do so much more. Yes I did my best, but was that all God could do?
God spoke to me many ways during these 2 days. You must be wondering why I aint studying to my best and utilizing all my time to study. You must be wondering what kind of churchy guy I am.
I am just someone who chooses today, to be desperate for God
I know i will fail, but i will give nothing less than my best.

Revival - team camaraderie - the generation of men who will give nothing less than Gods' standards.

2008-10-22T20:42:00.002+08:00

Praise to the lord most high, for he is good.
Praise to the lord most high, for he is able.
Praise to the lord most high, for what he done, what he is doing, and what he is going to do in our lives.
Praise be the lord who is the reason we cry out, the reason we praise others and the reason we love.
Praise to the lord who has given up his last breath on the cross to pay for our freedom.

I worship the one who is worthy, the one who gives without asking in return.
I worship the one who first loved me, the one who gave his life for me to set me free.
The one who gives us rest in the midst of stress.

Yes God, rest my soul, under your wings.
Cover me within your mighty hands.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are king over the seas.
I will be still and know you are God.

Dear Father in Heaven,
My sincere apologies for neglecting the relationship with you and for the group. The "o" levels have indeed been very stressful for me and all I want to say is I am really sorry that i have not been seeking you with my all these few days. I'm coming back to the heart of worship. Help me to do what is right, and do the impossible with the God of possibilities. I draw on your strength today, for in the scripture your word says if i ask i shall receive. I trust you God, that you are doing your work in me today and every day of my life. I commit my life unto your hands, use it in anyway you like. I draw on your wisdom and strength, that i might glorify and testify that you are Good. Thank you God. In Jesus' name, Amen.

2008-10-06T19:59:00.001+08:00

My computer crashed... Wont be able to blog for a few weeks or so.. Dont miss me yeah

2008-10-02T19:29:00.001+08:00

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappytoday. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead,tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, andI'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given thisday to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good.What you do today is important because you are exchanging a dayof your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be goneforever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."
- Author Unknown

"Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back."
- Babe Ruth

2008-09-24T14:33:00.002+08:00

The world darkens with each passing day. Is there no-one willing to fight the kingdom of darkness? Will there be an hour of wolves, and shattered shields when the age of men comes crashing down? Is there no-one to defend us? Is the world just a piece of barren land where there is killing and torture? Is there nobody who gives a care about it? Is there no God who truely and sincerely cares for us and is willing to fight this kingdom of darkness with us?
Brother against brother, son against father, poverty, extreme hunger, death. And here we are, enjoying ourselves in singapore. Here we are, safe and secure, we need not bother what is going on outside. We need not care how people can step on a mine and get maimed for life. We do not care how others can take a life so easily out there, and not here, in Singapore, where there is law and order. Is that all to life? Is there no God who cares?
True enough, people are too well-off to even bother about the existance of God. They are drown by their greed and riches that they forgot what really mattered. Do i just dissociate when i die? Do i go to heaven or hell? What must i do to go to heaven? These questions are questions most atheists would ask. Who is there to answer them before satan does?
Where is the light we all need? Where is God?
God chose to work through us, so that we can experience victories. So that we, can share the glory of God. Yes, God is obviously able to just prove himself real by just causing mount everest to tumble for no Good reason, or just come down here personally to show himself to us. However, God chose us. God chose us to share his glory. Who am I that God chose me? What am I? Im not a scholar, im no businessman, im no achiever. My life is full of sin and im in a mess! God chose you because he loves you. And every day of your life he is watching you. He is protecting you. Ever imagined how life will be like without a God that cares? When satan can have his way with us? Ever imagined if God was not Good? Will the world be still it is today?
People out there live life with fear and trembling. Here we are, shaking our legs, enjoying the comfort at home. Seriously, is it true, that deep down, we do not shed a single tear when we see this? When we see people maimed by mines, die for no good reason?
I have a burden for the world. I have a task not complete. I will be God's shield to defend this cursed world from the army of devils. And only death will stop me. Put on your spiritual armor my friends. The time is near. Will it be an hour of wolves and shattered shields, or an eternity of rejoicing in heaven? You decide.

Come to think of it, isnt it amazing how you first knew Christ? How we first started out and changed gradually since? And isnt it amazing how people can just push God aside and deny all the years when God was so evident to them? I find it a utter disappointment when people can just say I love God today and Leave God the next. How people, sin in the name of Christ Jesus. How people hurt others, backstab one another.
Consider it the biggest blessing in your life, that God has chosen you and saved you from the fiery chasm where we all belong.

2008-09-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

If you didnt love me - Corrinne May
If every drop of water disappeared from the land
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

If I could have the world and all that money could buy
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the sky
If they gave me golden wings,well I still couldn't fly
without you, nothing would matter

You and I walk beside each other day after day
But there's so much inside me, I never get to say
My life would be so empty
with nothing left to feel
If you didn't love me
If you didn't love me

It all dosen't matter does it? As long as you love me, I'm fine with anything that comes my way. Hold me tight, close by your side. Have your way in me.

2008-09-17T13:30:00.002+08:00

Here's a little dedication to my Cargroup members.

Dear Timothy:
Thank you for always being with the group and tolerating with me when I was harsh on you. Thank you for the times you chose to stand firm in the foundation of Christ and not slide away from him. Thank you for the various contributions to the group, and your life has indeed, been a great inspiration for me. Follow what God has called you to do, despite redicule or what-so-ever. Follow Gods' plan for you! I dont require of you much but really build up a strong relationship with God and influence others out there.
Remember: Serving God to the best is not equal to becoming a CL and eventually a UL, but serving God is simply following Gods' plan for you. Spend time seeking him and all these will be revealed to you soon.
Thank you for tolerating with me dear sheep. I promise that ill be there whenever you need me to. Count on me! Count on God!

Hey Jeron:

Can i just remind you how much potential i see in you? Just because you chose to stay in failures and self - pity, you have dis-allowed God from giving you aid. Your spiritual eyes have been shut. That limitless potential in you is awaiting for you to awaken it! Build up a strong relationship with God and give him nothing less than your best. I do not believe that I cannot help you overcome all your problems.

Be disappointed, but do not be too disappointed. Think about how the God who can move mountains, can move and use you. Just think about it yeah?

Ill be there for you whenever you need me to. Just call me up yeah?

Hey Quan Kai!

Thank you for being with us again, thank you for giving us chances after one another. I have not done my best to keep you as someone who holds a certain amount of spiritual responsibility over you. I can see the passion that keeps you wanting to complete queensway secondary school, and the drive to succeed. But as we serve God hard, we must not neglect our relationship with him. Build a very strong relationship with him and maintain it, that when you lead the queensway caregroup one day, you will be very prepared, very mature and very spiritual to handle difficult matters that are sure to come your way.

Let God reveal himself and his purpose for you through this. I believe you can go far, because you believe in a God who moves mountains. Dont give up! Hello Reynard!

Well one word to describe you? Patient. Thats something i have to learn yeah i agree. And that is something i really lack. Thanks for putting that up to me yeah?

Thank you for always being with us even as the caregoup fell apart. Thank you for tolerating with the nonsense again and again that seems to come your way everytime. You have a very admirable Goal, that is to become a pastor. And yes, it's definately going to be difficult, but i see alot of potential in you. Don't give up on your people as well as yourself. You will peservere, because God will always be with you. You will be the CL once I leave this group one day.

I would advice you to really use this time to spend time with God and make sure your relationship with him is right. Talk to me and ask me about things you are unsure of. Ill be glad to help you out! You are the future generation, and you got to be prepared. I am going to invest in you, elise is going to invest in you, many others as well. You can do it. Dont let anything or anyone look down on you!

One last advice for you would to be courageous, when needed. You really need to speak up when something is wrong. Dont just leave it to me yeah? Be a man! Scold when it is needed, be patient when necessasary. Dont be too patient too! Be patient with God, but be urgent with the tasks of God. It must be completed, it will be completed.

Hello Yk =D

Really want to take this time to thank you for all the things you have done for me. Helping me and going the extra mile for me. They're all deeply appreciated. You have done so much for us behind the scenes and i really appreciate you for that. Thank you for always going the extra mile for us, and also for me. Thank you for always believing in me, believing i will go far. Thank you for all the things you have done for me. You have been a great influence.
And this is the man who is going to impact the world in the days to come.

Trust in the lord, for he is the lord our God, who is not slow in keeping his promises. He never too early or never too late, so continue to wait on the lord. For the testing of your peserverence develops patience and peace, and fruits of righteousness

New top 3 giftings

2008-09-15T22:28:00.003+08:00

Missionary (Leadership Gift) - The special ability God gives to some to minister whatever other spiritual gifts they have in another culture.

Those with this gift find it easy or exciting to adjust to a different culture or community. Missionaries find great joy working with minorities, people of other countries, or those with other distinct cultural differences. Those with this gift have a stronger-than-average desire to be a part of the fulfillment of the Great Commission around the world.

People with this gift:

- have an intense spirit of unease at the thought of all the unsaved people in the world

- adapt themselves and core Biblical principles to different surroundings by being culturally sensitive and aware

- have the ability to reach out people groups of a different ethnicity, language, or cultural background - can establish meaningful relationships with people of other nationalities or cultures

- desire to minister to unreached people in other communities or countries.

Faith - The special conviction God gives to some to be firmly persuaded of God's power and promises to accomplish His will and purpose and to display such a confidence in Him and His Word that circumstances and obstacles do not shake that conviction.
The divine enablement to act on God's promises with confidence and unwavering belief in God's ability to fulfill his purposes.
People with this gift:
- believe the promises of God and inspire others to do the same
- act in complete confidence of God's ability to overcome obstacles
- demonstrate an attitude of trust in God's will and his promises
- advance the cause of Christ because they go forward when others will not
- ask God for what is needed and trust him for his provision.

Evangelism / Evangelist Evangelism / Evangelist
- The special ability God gives to some to proclaim the Gospel of salvation effectively so that people respond to the promises of Christ through conversion to Christianity. The divine enablement to effectively communicate the gospel to unbelievers so they respond in faith and move toward discipleship.
People with this gift:
- communicate the message of Christ with clarity and conviction
- seek out opportunities to talk to unbelievers about spiritual matters
- challenge unbelievers to faith and to become fully devoted followers of Christ
- adapt their presentation of the gospel to connect with the individual's needs
- seek opportunities to build relationships with unbelievers.

Some other giftings came later with the same scores but i guess these are emphasized for a reason.

Oh and one more thing. Im looking for a spiritual buddy haha.

2008-09-15T17:34:00.003+08:00

Isaac Shane:

"Well, it would be impossible for me to tell you everything i have learnt or experienced through this LC all at one go, but i would just share with you guys one key concept i have grasped from this Conference, that is your relationship with God, must be put above all other things.As a leader, i have been pushing my people to do CG08 all this time, and i have neglected their spiritual health and walk with God.I always had this wrong concept of our walk with God, that is mainly daily prayer and reading the Word of God. Through this LC, I have learnt that our relationship with God, is not purely based on us praying to him about ministry all the time, or praying for skills like courage or wisdom. These things are merely tools used to serve God. I had been reading the word of God, having a perspective that it is speaking to me about ministry and that alone. All this time, my care group has been stuck in an eternal cycle, an endless torture of failures after failures. Our relationship with God was not right!I have come to realize that an ideal relationship with God is not just about doing prayer and reading the Word of God or even applying what we have learnt. An ideal relationship with God is to pray and seek him everyday, turning to him not only when we face troubles and really treating him as your friend, not your superman. God has sent Jesus to die for us, in the first place, to help us achieve a relationship with God.Man can be connected to God because Jesus had died not only to cleanse our sins, but also for us to have a living relationship with God, our creator. I have come to realize that no matter how much effort you put into ministry but the moment your peoples' relationship with God isn't right, we lose the first priority in christian life, that is because God cares about us, not what we do. As we grow in our relationship with God, we will love God and his people, giving way to endless victories in Christ.The Conference has opened up a way and solution to a problem that has never been revealed to me for a long time, and it has strengthened my faith and wisdom in Christ. It has revealed my purpose and destiny for Christ. It is seeing and talking to the people so passionate for Christ and the people just willing to leave their families and just die for Christ that has really impacted me and showed me what true Christianity is. I have come back with a renewed conviction and insight, something money could never buy. Do go for LC when you have the chance!"

(Kop-ed from central blog hee)

Well today was a usual day, but surely, God revealed himself to me today through simple things that occured during the day.

During my CLB paper 3 (listening comprehension), there was a passage that said something that goes like this," Once upon a time, there lived a mother and her son under the same roof. The mother is old and would only be a burden to her son. So one day, her son decided to send her to the top of the mountains where she can live with the wolves, in the wild. So, he carried her on his back and started to walk up the mountain.

Curious, his mother asked, "Dear son, where are you bringing me?" He replied with no tear in his eyes, "up the mountain so that you can live in the wild." Without complaining, his mother just kept quiet. She knew she would only be a burden to her son. She began picking stones and throwing them at the roads, forming a trail.

Curious, her son asked, " Mum, what are you doing?"

Her reply:"I'm making a trail so that you will know the way back after the expedition."

And that was the end of the passage. It almost caused me to tear that very moment. I was reminded of Christ. Christ, who had been betrayed, humiliated, and had suffered at the hands of the creation of God, had endured all the way to the end, just to die on the cross to pay for our sins.

At Jesus' calling, he could summon a fleet of angels to his aid and he could have chosen not to die for us. Jesus has poured out all his blood for us, and even after that, it was water which flowed out instead of blood. Every single drop of blood has been poured out. Even till the very end, Jesus chose to pay the price for us. All he focused on was not our sins, but he focused on loving us, till the very end. He even prayed that his father would forgive us. Can you imagine the pain he had to go through, being betrayed by his own disciple, being humiliated by the people he loved? Nobody went to his rescue. Nobody. And he chose to die for the world even then. He is not a crazy madman who died for nothing 2000 years ago. He is our God, Jesus, who paid for our sins with every single drop of blood available within his body. This is our God.

So at God's calling, stop complaining about the small failures that may seem so big to you. Stop complaining about people who has hurt or humiliated you. Jesus, has died in humiliation, but rose again in victory. He has conquered all sin. The small things we face in life is nothing compared to what Jesus had to face.

When our group dosent seem to Grow, when our life is in a mess, God is beside us, waiting to come in and take control, waiting for you to call upon his name. God feels with us.

Some days ago, i got to know this guy who played the same online game as me. And he was a Romanian. I guess all this is in God's plan that i got to know this guy. Found out certain cool cultures over there. Hes a devoted catholic as i expected him to be. There are 90% catholics in romania. Oh and he told me there ware many tourist attractions. After talking to him, i felt like going there right away. ^^

Haha anyway, its about enough that i blogged. Blogging some other time!

2008-09-14T03:02:00.003+08:00

Just a short prayer before i sleep

Father in heaven,
Tired is my soul, and weary is my heart. My heart is tired, but still i will sing. My throat is dry but still i will sing. For you my God, the God most high, is worthy of all praises. Father I just want to commit this time back to you, though I may be physically unwell, lord i pray and I ask by faith that I will be healed by tomorrow that I might serve you better with a melodious voice. Lord i thank you for this wonderful gift you have given to me, that is Jesus. I thank you for the cross, and the blood you poured out, which changed me from the inside out. Thank you for being there with me, through the good and the bad. I just want to take this time to adore you, for you are the God, the God most high. Nothing can separate us lord. Your grace is sufficient. In the name of Jesus i pray, Amen

Where we belong
There is no height or depth
Neither life nor death
That can take me from all that I find
Here now in Your Glory Lord
No other powers or love
The things of now or to come

There's nothing on earth in this life
That could ever separate us Lord

Your Love is never ending
To your hands we surrender
Where all our sins are washed away

Your Grace beyond reason
Has paid for our freedom
We're made alive in You
We run to Your Throne

Where we belong
Every heart will sing
That Jesus is Lord
Casting all else aside
For the joy of our Christ
Let Your Glory fall
Our hearts are filled with Your Fire

No other powers or love
The things of now or to come
There's nothing on earth in this life
That could ever separate us Lord

Once again, i lift this song unto you God, for you have been merciful and gracious to me. Thank you for being so good to me. Your grace is all i need. Let your glory fall, and let my heart be filled with you once again. Show me the way the truth and the life. Thank you Jesus, in Jesus name we pray, Amen